you can't pull a Jaycie on ME..I AM Jaycie!

so...he's being crazy. and it's driving me crazy.

every time i see him i want to scream, "You don't get to be weird!"
he MADE me tell him how i felt, and i'm 90% he already knew.
now he's being weird. trying to push me away, etc., etc.

and though it's torture to see him every day and know he doesn't want me right now,
it would be even worse if i didn't get to see him at all. i'll take it for now.

at the current time, i'm just glad i get to see him.
that i can be his friend. and hopefully help him in his life.

if it eventually ends up that he'll meet someone else and fall in love and marry them, i promise i'll try to smile.
yes, i want him. but i'm not willing to say goodbye over, "I don't want anything with anyone right now."
i'll take that. and just be there. and at least i'll see him every day.
i get to make him smile and laugh. and he gets to tease me over my hatred of foreign accents.
may be a bad move on my part, but i'm making it.
because at least i get to be in his presence, basking in his glow.

he's great. i can see it. and i find more great things about him every day. i'm not sure he can see it, but that doesn't make it less true. he's good. and he's kind. and he's patient. and sweet. shoot. i'm falling.
he's the kind of guy i can be patient for. i'll wait forever, just to see how it goes with this one.
that's a scary and sobering thought, you know.
trusting him that much...wanting him that much.

if i were not me, i'd lie a little, say it's just a little crush.
but he said he won't read this, so i'll be honest. i seriously am falling for this guy.
and whether i emerge with scraped knees, broken bones, or he picks me up before i fall all the way, i don't know.
as for right now, love is a battle field. now please bless i make it out alive. amen.


trusting him that much,