Friday, May 4, 2012

a slight change of plans...

my back has been bothering me for several weeks now.
specifically, it's been bugging since before i moved to Denver.
i thought it would get better eventually,'s gotten worse.
way worse.

it's time for a doctor visit.
i can barely walk. i can't sit on the floor. and i LOVE sitting on the floor.
my legs go numb when i'm sitting in certain positions.
and my hips and legs are getting really mad because of my back.

so, i'll do the thing i hate, aka suck it up and see a doctor. please bless it's not bad news.
although, i'm not too optimistic on this one. agony can't possibly be good.
<fingers crossed anyways.>

it's going to be a weekend with:
a big surprise.
roads. music. girl talk.
ice cream. onion rings. popcorn.
DIY projects, maybe.
hot springs. possibly.
visiting. catching up. piano playing.
baking. naps.

this week was a week of eye-opening for me. i learned a few things:

a. i'm not the same girl i was five years ago. i've learned to love and be loved with no other requirements than that. i have scars that have faded, that aren't a big part of my life anymore. change is good, and definitely something to embrace. i'm eager to see the changes coming my way.

b. i was having a discussion about love and divorce and change. i mentioned that love doesn't really seem to be enough anymore. the reply, "love as a feeling absolutely isn't enough. love as a choice or decision is." i think that's beautiful and profound. it's so easy to nitpick and find things wrong in others. to accept those things, to love in spite of the challenges is beautiful. there's also a very fine line of when there's nothing left to do but give up.

c. i'm a giver. i love people. and i love helping people. it's something so deeply rooted in my soul, to deny someone help would be like saying i'm not Jaycie. a lot of people take advantage of that, and i've began to realize that it's okay to say no sometimes. i think it's important to give. whether that means listening as someone vents, giving them a ride so they don't have to spend two hours on the bus, or just simply smiling when everyone else looks away. i love. it's my thing, and i wouldn't want to change that at all.

:) also, a special shout-out to my very best friend James Dyer for being awesome and having his Master's degree thesis accepted. my lover is graduating and taking big steps in his life. i'm so proud!