Tuesday, May 31, 2011

you betta hide yo' kids....

first of all, watch these because they're funny. and also because that's where i got my title.

then, the story.
so last night at Cold Stone, this cute little family came in. not a shocker, as little cute families ALWAYS come in.
remember how i LOVE little kids? oh yes, that.

anyways, i have this weird little habit of trying to become BFFs with the littlest ones.
well, their littlest daughter was adorable!
most of the time little kids treat me kind of funny. they act very suspicious and usually won't eat the samples i give them until their mom or day tries it first. "don't take candy from strangers," isn't wasted on these babies.
well this fearless little thing took a sample from me, no hesitation.
there's this space between the ice cream display the the glass protecting the stone from diseases.
it's the perfect little space for me, Jaycie the Hobbit, to reach little kids when i want to give them a sample or their ice cream.
well, this little angel just thought i was the greatest.
she'd point to one and say, "Now this one!"
so i'd scoop a little spoon and took it to our gap.
then she'd take it, run back to look at the ice cream, finish her sample, point to a new one, and say, "Now this one!" and then she'd run back to our gap, hand me the empty spoon and take the new sample.
every time i handed her a new one, she'd tilt her head, flash the cheesiest smile i've ever seen and go, "Thanks!" and run back to pick the next one.
finally, she'd tried all the ones she wanted, so i got her a cup of M&Ms and took it out into the lobby for her. she said her cute, cheesy, "thanks," and her mom said, "Can you give her a love?"
she walked over, held out her empty arm and gave me a look that said, "Well pick me up and love me."
i had to oblige. i love little kid hugs. so she gave me this enormous (for a little person, anyways...) hug and wiggled down.

until this point, i was so caught up in our little world, i hadn't noticed the rest of the store watching me with looks ranging anywhere from humor to mildly creeped out.
apparently i seemed like the kind of crazy person who would steal a cute child.

so i got back to work, which included taking out the cardboard to be recycled and straightening the tables outside.
well my new best friend was sitting inside, face pressed up against the glass, watching me, smilling at me, laughing, and making silly faces, all of which i happily made back at her.

when i went inside i asked her about her M&Ms and went to get her some more.
after she took them, she said, "i really like your shoes." which made her parents check them out and we had a conversation about fivefingers and their cute kids.

apparently, my bff is two and a half going on 19. earlier in the day, she'd packed up her toy shopping cart and wheeled it up to her daddy, where she happily said, "well, i guess i'm off to college!"

seriously, she's going to take the world by storm!
she captured my heart and i only knew her for twenty minutes...

Saturday, May 28, 2011

yes; however, can Wallice come?

remember him?
he called last night.
and boy, oh boy, was this girl thrilled.
just a few things to consider:
1. even if you think cookies and cream is your absolute favorite ice cream, maybe it's actually peanut butter cup perfection. you'll never know it if you don't try it.
2. four a.m. is probably not the best time to go to bed. 'specially if you want to make it on time to yoga, which i did not. i went though, and i have some sore sore arms to prove it.
3.  that voice...definitely makes me weak at the knees every time.
4. whether it was just random or meant to be, our paths crossed. i'm certainly a fan of this.
5. nighttime yoga...definitely the best kind of yoga. for the record. or for the win, depending on preference.
6. i'm oddly impressed. honestly didn't expect to be so completely intrigued.

in other news, i am running on only four hours of sleep, but can't stop smiling. normally, i'd be princess crying. or just roaming around, spouting off little one-liners that make no sense. or real crying.

speaking of princesses, i got invited to an official Princess Party next weekend.
i'm so there. you don't have to invite me twice...now I just need to meet a king.
pictures will be taken. i will be gorgeous. and here's a little preview, just in case you forgot how gorgeous i can be.

this was today. I was missin' my faux hawk somethin' fierce, so i made my hair into one, sans scissors. because let's be honest. that error in judgement took a year to grow back out.
but since my hair was lovely, i had to dress up. (p.s. i made the skirt.) and since i was lovely, i had to make jordan take pictures of me. it's fine. it's just how i roll. you know how it goes. "When you give a moose a muffin..."

Friday, May 27, 2011

oh, you know...

i noticed something about myself a couple months ago that's kind of funny, in that anti-humor way.
when asked, "How are you, Jaycie?"
i reply in one of three ways.

"i'm good. how are you?"
i use this when i'm genuinely good.

"i'm having the worst day of my life."
obviously this is a hyperbole. i couldn't possibly have that many days that were the worst. most of the time i say it with a little bit of seriousness, but mostly because it's a funny part of my otherwise terrible day.

three, and the bad way:
"Oh, you know..."
i use this one when "I'm good," is a lie and, "i'm having the worst day of my life," is a little too true.
on these days, if you look me in the eyes, i might cry.
if you smile at me, i'll look away and blink back tears.
if you hug me for more than a second, i'm surely going to break down.
they're the one-foot-in-front-of-the-other days.
the "please be gentle with my soul," kind of days.

there isn't a problem with any, but the past three weeks or so have found me using the, "Oh, you know..." reply more and more often. i'm definitely in some kind of weird little funk.

if you have any ideas on how to fix this, i'm all ears.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

a shout-out to Eatonville, WA....

To my very Best,
did i mention i'm missin' you somethin' fierce?
well i meant to.
now that we have that out of the way, let me just brag about you to the entire planet.

James G. Dyer is my number one best friend.
I do NOT mean any disrespect to my other bffs. i have several and they all definitely count, but if you were to ask, he's the one holding the gold medal.
we're peas in a pod, he and i. not necessarily from the same pod, but we're crunched into one together now.
he's been keeping me afloat for four years now.

how we met:
i got hired on at Cold Stone Creamery in Logan, UT on May 9, 2007.
sometime that week, i went in to check the schedule. i was paranoid i'd get fired for forgetting when i was to be trained.
the day i went in, i just happened to be wearing a dress and heels. my hair was long and curly. i looked gorgeous.
as i started to walk into the back, i heard, "excuse me, you can't go back there."
i whipped around, locked eyes with my arch-nemesis and retorted, "Excuse YOU. I work here."
he was stunned, so i took that as my cue to walk back and accomplish my mission.

after that, i was crushing big time. i followed him everywhere. i suppose you could go as far as to say that i stalked him. he didn't seem to like me that much. i guess you could say he was a little cautious and perhaps fearful of the savage hobbit who walked into his life that day.

that summer i was raped by a guy i didn't know.
i didn't tell anyone at first, not anyone at Cold Stone at least.
sometime shortly after, i bought a cabbage patch kid because i couldn't sleep and needed some comfort.
one night, it was raining and raining and wouldn't stop. my mind was elsewhere, and i had forgotten to turn off my headlights. my car was dead, and because i'm an emotional creature, i couldn't stop crying. James was there. he just hugged me. i'd told him only a few days before what had happened, and he was such a champ. without hesitating, he stepped up to the plate, as he's done thousands of times since.

whether i'm being good or bad, happy or dinosaur, he's got my back.
though sometimes we're separated by a lot of distance, he's always nearby. in fact, he and i have secret Best Friend bracelets. besides the story i tell everyone, there's the story of he and i.

he's everything that i'm not. he's kind. always. he's patient. i've never seen him mad.
he doesn't swear. only Hell, and that's only usually talking about the place.
he's tall. and i'm small. hobbit-style.
he's skinny. i'm...not?
he thinks things through. i jump in kicking and screaming and ask questions afterwards.
he goes to bed at decent hours and wakes up at decent hours. i'm up forever and sleep all day.
he depends on me for good music. i count on him to pull me out of my messes.

he keeps me good, (or tries to anyways!) and i keep him laughing and surprised.

so, you're all invited to our wedding. it's in just...six years. when he turns 30.

i love you, Humpfrey! :) call me soon, capeshe? boy, i will cut you...don't ina-rupt. roo.

Monday, May 23, 2011

accepting bribes.

so early this week i was talking to my mom.
i mentioned that i really missed playing with Shrinky Dinks.
Think this:

s basically plastic paper that shrinks when you bake it.
anyways, i used to LOVE to make them.

anyways, this morning, whilst doing my hair,
she came down.
scared me to death, but that's not the point.

Mom: "I have some incentive for you to clean your room."
Instantly I imaged her threatening to throw away all my clothes while i was gone.
Me, suspiciously: "What?"
She held up a package of shrinky dinks.
And now i must clean my room. ASAP. 
You don't need to bribe me twice....

Monday, May 16, 2011

i hope you know that song was about me...

i'm so vain. that song's been in my head all day. but that doesn't make it less true...
i make my sister take pictures of me sometimes:

did you know dandelions are my favorite flowers?
well they are. and i WILL have a picture of me in a whole field of them THIS YEAR!

and just because i'm a country girl, here's a pick of the ladies, Maxie and Molly drinking from the hose.
i taught 'em. because i have the proper know-how.
disregard the fact that i practically filled my shoe while getting a drink myself. it's just been awhile, okay?

i still hate summer though.
no one get any big ideas and think i've changed my mind.

Sunday, May 15, 2011

here's the thing about life...

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world. Not even our troubles.
Charles Chapman.

For the past two years, my life has been stuck in a constant state of change.
I've moved nine times in the past two years. I've had roommates, new families, new friends, new experiences.
I've worked six jobs, one of which is still pretty constant.
I got a new car.
I painted my bedroom.
I've been through tons of clothes.
My hair has been a hundred colors and styles.
I've been through 3,000 new songs.
The man who hurt me the most was put behind bars.
My grade school crush has been gone for almost two years and will be returning shortly.
I've met people who changed my life. Some people have lingered, some people have left.

Change...you know, I'm a 20-year-old single girl. I suppose that makes change inevitable.
I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.
I have no idea where I'll live, who will be around, when things will happen for me.
Even next week doesn't really have a plan. I don't see a point to plan things. When I make plans, they always end up changing anyways. So I just don't. It's probably not the wisest way to go about things, but it only makes sense.
Though I crave it more than anything else, it doesn't look like my life will be calming down anytime soon.

It's kind of funny. Everyone around me seems to be making choices and taking big steps. Most of my friends are falling in love, getting married, finishing school, starting careers, and moving on. I'm so proud of them and I realize that things are bound to change between us. I'll be honest, it does make me a little sad that they're moving on while I'm stuck, but i really am so happy for them.

In my weird Jaycie way, I both envy and pity them.
I'm a little jealous that they're all finding joy and embarking on the journey of the rest of their lives. I'm always wondering if and when that will be me, smiling into the cameras next to my best friend and love, eating cake and dancing the night away, celebrating the joining of our lives.
But I also pity them, that they're getting themselves stuck. Once you're married or start a career, there's no turning back. At any given moment, I can pack up and leave, with barely a backwards glance. They can't do that anymore.

I don't have much, but I don't need much. On one hand, it's a relief, having nothing that really holds me back.
On the other, it makes me wonder if I'd even be missed if I left. Obviously people would notice, but how many days would pass by before I was just a memory?

These are the things on my mind and the reasons I can't seem to convince anyone to date me. My life's a mess, as always. I guess I'll keep taking it one day at a time and see where that lands me.

Perhaps I'm just not the person it ever really works out for. Jaycie, the wandering princess of change. It does have a little bit of a ring to it...

Friday, May 13, 2011

the only item i will spend $1,199 on...

isn't she GORGEOUS?
Meet the Felt ZW75, gloss jade. She and I will soon become the best of friends.
We took a test drive today. We fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.
Am i hesitant to spend that much money? No, not at all.

When i get the bike I'll also be needing shoes, peddles, clips, bike shorts, a water bottle cage, a goofy horn, black handlebar tape, a helmet, some gloves, and some serious sunscreen.

can you image all that i will save on gas? the brilliant workout every day? the endorphins? quite simply, the LOVE?
just she and i, zooming around the world...ahhh, i can hardly wait to purchase my new pal!

now, help me figure out a way to take Wallice with me! he'll probably need a little bike outfit of his own. i'll keep you posted! :)

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

find me a two cow husband...

at this point, i'm not that picky.
since i dumped these guys on account of bad behavior,

 i though i should look for guys more sexy, like THESE guys:

hook a sista up!

Monday, May 9, 2011

When Aunty Flow comes knockin'...

obviously i've got killer cramps and my boobs hurt. so i'm glad for this commercial. she gets it.

there are a few things that help make my visit from Aunt Flow just a little more enjoyable.
i thought i'd share. in case you need something to help you through this hard week of mine, here are the top ten:

1. comfort food. mine include: Reese's puffs, popcorn, Totino's pizza, and of course, an Oxycontin, vodka, and Nyquil cocktail. okay, i SWEAR that last part is a joke...it just sounded insanely funny in my head.
2. Madagascar. Nothing is better to pass the time than King Julian.
3. Spin/Yoga with my Crazy Tammie. Apparently strenuous exercise is designed to fix this shiz.
4. it sounds counterproductive, but freshly shaved/lotioned legs and a warm, fresh-from-the-dryer minky blanket.
5. PMS ice cream, which varies month to month. this month, i already know, is Sweet Cream mixed with York patties, Oreos, and chocolate shavings. mmmm.
6. getting all dolled up. hair, make-up, fresh polish on phalanges, then wearing sweats. it's like that show, Undercover Boss, only it would be called Undercover Hobo.
7.  glow-in-the-dark stars on my ceiling. yes, i'm six-years-old. no, i will not take them down. when i can't sleep because i'm dying, i find constellations. okay, fine...i make them up. big deal. i'm not a space geek.
8. hot bubble baths. need i say more?
9. cat naps in the afternoon. but not with cats. obviously. they're gross.
10. cuddling up with the most sexy, most manly, most well-dressed, well-groomed, and perfectly scented (with help from Jake, Hollister-style) man. in addition to being sexy, he cooks, he cleans, and he brings ice cream AND chocolate. what a hunk.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

things i'm just sick of...

not the most creative title, i'm sure. but i'm an angry little elf today.

it's not anyone's fault. it's probably not something that can be fixed. it's just today.
i'm overwhelmed with so many things. mostly just the world and how terrible it is.

i'm sick of death.
i'm sick of cancer.
i'm sick of anger.

i just really am sick of it.
my sister is in high school, and she's an angsty teen, for sure. but i understand...
if i could say just one thing to kids in high school, and to my sister, it would be:

You are loved. You are important. You matter. You are beautiful. And you are strong.
It's the humanity within a person that makes them all these things.
Too often the media, religions, and even each other and ourselves insist that we're just not good enough, that we'll NEVER be good enough. Stop with the lies and the hurt. It doesn't fix anything. It certainly doesn't help.

How many people must be beaten and abused before we'll stop this madness?
How many of us will live with eating disorders, slice open their skin just to feel?
When will our prisons stop being filled with people who raped, kidnapped, abused, and maybe even killed our brothers and sisters?
When will we stop fighting and instead lift up our brothers and sisters who are close to giving up?
Will the judgments ever end? Will we one day wake up and realize the damage we cause others by treating them like they're no better than the gum stuck to the bottom of our shoe?

I wish for peace. I wish for happiness. Equality. But more than those, I simply wish for love.
Race, gender, sexuality, and appearance shouldn't matter at all. Prejudice should be left in the history books where it belongs.
People shouldn't have to wonder if they're loved, appreciated, or needed.
They shouldn't have to lock their cars and their houses.
We shouldn't have to cover our scars, our bruises, and our emotions.

We shouldn't rejoice in the death of a bad man. We should mourn that he made poor choices along the way. We should mourn for his family who is devastated by the loss, who will bury a father, a son, a brother while the world rejoices. There's nothing sweet about it...

I know I'm definitely not the poster child for How to be a Good Human, simply because I'm human.

Justin Timberlake got it right. "Where is the love?"

I see it once in awhile, when an old couple laughs and kisses like their still 16-years-old. When a mom kisses and consoles her babies when they're tired or scared. When my sweet mom stays up late, just to make sure I get in okay.

I just wish I didn't have to look so hard all the time...

Now please bless I figure out how to be a good change in the world.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

to blog or not to blog?

that is the question weighing on my mind.
i'm feeling like it's kind of a lost cause. like, does anyone even read it anymore?


Monday, May 2, 2011


so apparently osama bin laden is dead.
that's what the news is saying, anyway.

people are overjoyed, scared, etc.

i just have two thoughts on the matter.

one: why the heck has it taken so long to track him down?
for being a world super power, America sure took her time.
there's no way in hell you can lose an entire person for ten years.
at least, not one you know the approximate location of.
it's not like he could have just hopped on a plane and peaced out to bora bora.
EVERYONE in the universe was looking for him.
seven billion people couldn't spot the guy? i'm calling BS.

two: no matter how horrible, murderous, and evil he may have been,
he was a human. i'm not saying i condone or support what he did, but it sure as heck is not my place to judge him.
to do that makes me no better than him.
i'm so glad it's up to the Big Guy Upstairs to handle.