the one line that has changed my life forever!

i got my bike today.

raise your hand if this made your day as much as it made mine.

Summero, oh Summero, wherefore art thou Summero?

Sorry, that's super cheesy, but it was as close as I could get the word summer to anything by Shakespeare.

Anyways, as I sat at work, sweating my buttocks off, I noticed that today is JULY 26th!!!
Um...what?! Where did summer go? :(
You know, I had a whole list of things I wanted to do this summer, and now I probably don't have time to do half of them!

I wanted to have picnics.
I wanted to get my tan on at the beach.
I wanted road trips.
S'mores. Boating. Sleepovers. Shopping. Pool parties. Vacations. Snow cones. mosquito bites. sunburns. cloud watching. sleepin' outside. camping. riding bikes...well, actually that one's about to take place. A LOT.
parades. fireworks. i wanted to test out my sunscreen stick for real. i wanted to play in the ditch. and go four-wheeling all the time.

Now I'm almost out of time, and I missed it all...
Mark my words though. I'll spend some time in cancer coffins, getting a super quick summer glow.
I'll eat s'mores. even if that means i make them over the stove.

but in the meantime, i'm going to bed. even though it's barely ten.
because whether i like it or not, I, Jaycie Leishman, have work in the morning.
and that requires some serious beauty rest...

my awkwardness knows no boundaries...

i went on a great date tonight, even though i hate dating.
it just feels staged and fake.

anyways.
he had to jet right after the play because he's driving to Lehi for some family thing tomorrow.
i was STARVING afterwards, so i went to McDonald's.
harmless, right?
WRONG. there he was, post-date.
i'm pretty sure now he thinks i'm stalking him.

more like, "feed me during our date and i'll be more pleasant..."

he's cute, but i'm dropping this one. he's basically my clone, only manly.
he's a crazy driver. listens to my same music. and agrees with everything i say.

i want someone i can argue with. because everyone knows make-up kissing is the best kind.

bipolar seven-year-old. yep, that's me.

neither of those things are diagnosed, mind you...but seriously.
i'm a grumpy little gremlin.
an angry smurf.
i princess cry 6-8 times a day.

i seriously need a vacation.
how about a roadtrip to PA, Ashlee, my super hot girlfriend?

also, i'm thinking of moving to Delaware..
it's 1 1/2 hours from NYC or Washington, D.C.
it's 45 minutes to the beach on one side and mountains on the other.
and it's a big change.

discuss all these things.

that sexy voice i love...he's back.

yes friends, i'm on the phone RIGHT NOW with him.
mmmm. it's the voice that may have ruined me.

you know the one. he loves my giggle. and other stuff.
he might have skin cancer? :(
oh man...what ever will i do if he dies?!

his guilty pleasure: laying out by the pool, iPod on, reading his fave mag: GQ.
his fave food: sushi.
fave color: navy blue. but he wears black the most.
favorite ice cream: butter pecan.
brands: Puma, he is about to get sponsored by them. socks, shoes, underwear, undershirts, golf clothes, hats. it's ALL Puma...
he wears business casual to work. which is completely sexy.
he's got a dog and boy, oh boy, does he love her. she's a real thing, by the way. not like Wallice.
favorite movie: good will hunting.
top 3 bands: kings of leon, the bravery, and Phoenix.
he's a twin, just like me. his is a literal birth twin, but it's close enough...he says it's NOT the same, so...
he's convinced he had me at, "Hello..."
his favorite thing about me...in his words, "your good eye..."
i DO NOT have a lazy eye!

little does he know, he STILL doesn't have me! ;)
he literally just called me a liar. and he told me to say i'm writing fiction.

but really Kids, do i ever lie??? it's ALL fact.

one swipe.

$750 means my bike is nearly mine.
i've never been more thrilled to spend so much money before.

next saturday.
that's the day my bike and i will embark on an endless journey together.
i think first trip will be a ride around bear lake. 55 miles. easy.

in other news, we had some good family time today.
i reconnected with my beloved piano and belted some Disney tunes with my sister.

we went to El Sol. will that probaly be the location of my date with Amos tomorrow night? yes.

now, i must go to bed on account of i have spin in the morning with Tammie.
and since the finish line for my bike is in sight, i need to spin some extra circles tomorrow morning.

also, the new summer playlist is pretty bomb. you'd be a fan, if you were me.

*note: i'm not a stalker. i just happen to believe in pre-meditated run-ins. capeshe?

today makes 14 days straight....

i work all too often.
i super need a day off.
and that won't happen until Sunday.
so, Day 14, let's do this.
because we are way more than halfway done.
and i just can't wait to spend that glorious paycheck.

speaking of paychecks, i'm going to put the deposit on my bike on Monday.
that's right kids, i FINALLY have enough money to purchase my bike.

see? you knew there was a reason you weren't hearing from me.
i promise after Sunday i'll be back.

i got my new schedule for the fall.
i'll be working 4 ten-hour shifts.

I'll work 9:30 to 8:00 Tuesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
Which means I'll have Sunday, Monday, and Wednesday to myself.
that doesn't start until August 28th though. so life will be crazy for just a couple more months.

in other news, my Best is coming back in two weeks!!!
Seattle, get ready. he's going to break your heart and come back to me.

i think i'm going to go back to school spring semester. assuming the USU savages can talk me into it.
i want a new car. i've loved my time with sweet Gerard, but i need a change.
i miss my twin. marriage sucks for that reason. however, he's happy so i'm happy. just a little more lonely.

i did NOT lose my Funny. that was just a joke and i'll find it shortly.
in the meantime i have work at 11:15 so i need to leave in T minus forty minutes and i AM painting my fingers and toes. plus, i haven't showered in three days, so i need to take care of that as well....

you can't pull a Jaycie on ME..I AM Jaycie!

so...he's being crazy. and it's driving me crazy.

every time i see him i want to scream, "You don't get to be weird!"
he MADE me tell him how i felt, and i'm 90% he already knew.
now he's being weird. trying to push me away, etc., etc.

and though it's torture to see him every day and know he doesn't want me right now,
it would be even worse if i didn't get to see him at all. i'll take it for now.

at the current time, i'm just glad i get to see him.
that i can be his friend. and hopefully help him in his life.

if it eventually ends up that he'll meet someone else and fall in love and marry them, i promise i'll try to smile.
yes, i want him. but i'm not willing to say goodbye over, "I don't want anything with anyone right now."
i'll take that. and just be there. and at least i'll see him every day.
i get to make him smile and laugh. and he gets to tease me over my hatred of foreign accents.
may be a bad move on my part, but i'm making it.
because at least i get to be in his presence, basking in his glow.

he's great. i can see it. and i find more great things about him every day. i'm not sure he can see it, but that doesn't make it less true. he's good. and he's kind. and he's patient. and sweet. shoot. i'm falling.
he's the kind of guy i can be patient for. i'll wait forever, just to see how it goes with this one.
that's a scary and sobering thought, you know.
trusting him that much...wanting him that much.

if i were not me, i'd lie a little, say it's just a little crush.
but he said he won't read this, so i'll be honest. i seriously am falling for this guy.
and whether i emerge with scraped knees, broken bones, or he picks me up before i fall all the way, i don't know.
as for right now, love is a battle field. now please bless i make it out alive. amen.


trusting him that much,

think about the very best person you know...

and then think about yourself.
you know that feeling of "i'll never be good enough," or, "if only i could be like that," don't you?
well, that person you thought of...they feel the exact same way.

i don't understand why every single person feels completely inadequate.
i feel like standing on the top of the world and screaming, "Stop it! You're perfect just the way you are!"
but i think people would be too caught up in their imperfections that they wouldn't hear me.

and that is what makes me the most sad about humans.
wake up, okay?  i promise someone thinks you're perfect.

i should be sleeping...

but here i am, blogging and shopping for new cars. i think instead of running away i'll just get a new car! easy, right? as far as that goes, any good suggestions?

here are the good things in my life today:
purple v-neck that i wore. seriously love it.
new cute little undies.
fivefingers.
water. mixed with those little packets of awesome.
i got to sit by Jake at work, like i do everyday. whether he ever returns my crush or not, he's still shaping up to be a bff.
cupcakes at grandma's.
driving with dad. and just driving in general. windows down, stereo blasting.
a new, super cheap but super stylin' straightener since mine died.

in other news, i've been working about 40 hours of overtime on every check. that being said, Jake and I have decided to always wear lazy clothes, (shorts, sweats, etc.) and we just call them our Overtime Clothes.
tomorrow is an Overtime Clothes and dry shampoo ponytail kind of day. it's not going to be a cute day because no one even likes those. not on Mondays anyways. not to mention it'll be my 7th day straight. Sunday's coming though. and then i'll have a day off.

i'm really craving chocolate covered strawberries right about now.

summer's half over. july is half over. before i know it my Best will be back, school will be starting, and life will keep going. where did 2011 go? if someone figures out how to slow down the clock, please let me know. it's flying by and I'm missing everything!

speaking of things that are missing, The Voice hasn't called in awhile. wonder what the heck he's up to...

also, i keep smashing little flies on my screen so they won't spawn new little monsters. i feel halfway bad about it. i REALLY don't like killing stuff.

my room's a distaster and i WILL work on it tomorrow.
i have two more days of undies and then i'm out of clothes. it's getting bad up in here.

i'm craving a pair of new shoes, preferably Vans.

i figured out the things i want. it's not that i want marriage and commitment. i just want someone to cuddle with, slow dance with, hold hands with, and go on drives with. simple, right? apparently not so much.

i suppose it'll all happen in good time.

there's a song i've been singing in my head, non stop. Total Eclipse of the Heart. that's the Out Loud song i sing. p.s. it's gotten me in trouble a couple times at work. but that's just because i belt it between calls.
and in my head it's And Run by He Is We.

I've learned from all my mistakes.
I'm making all my own plans, throwing all my old ones away.
I've gotta grow up, be someone.
Draw a map. Find a path. Take a breath. And run.

sorry for the jumbled mess. that's just where i'm at today.

he makes me crazy...

i seriously can't even describe how much this boy bugs my life.
i'm in some serious like. as in, i want him...
he makes me feel safe. him simply walking into a room is enough to make me breathe easier.
and i swear yesterday-the worst day ever, mind you-would have been 100x worse if he hadn't been around.
perhaps i've scared him off just by being Jaycie the Savage.

i can't read him at all. i'm never sure where we stand.
i don't ever have a clue if i'm bugging him or making him laugh.
and i'm positive he thinks i'm nuts.
yet, sometimes he just watches me. and i swear he can see my soul.
he's always calm. it's like he's everything in the world that i'm not.
and in that regard, i must be good for him. he needs someone to pull him out of the comfort zone, right?

so...people at work have been asking me if we're dating, what's going on, blah blah blah.
i don't know what to say because we haven't talked about it. i have no idea where we stand, which i'll admit is causing an awful lot of unnecessary
i always just shrug and go, "I wish I knew..."

someone must have got to him though, because he didn't sit by me today.
did i mention it was my Irrational Sadness Day as far as PMS goes? I may have almost started bawling when I realized he hadn't taken the seat next to me. it was the first time in three weeks we didn't sit together.
he didn't talk to me at all while at work. and now that work is over, i'm certainly not talking to him first.
i'm almost positive i didn't do anything to provoke him into hating my guts.
maybe it's cold feet? maybe the 20% was enough to convince him not to date me.
that doesn't make sense though...because i'd be good with "just friends" if it meant i got to see him and sit and laugh with him everyday.

i vote if he doesn't sit by me tomorrow I just kill him, yes?
no, i won't kill him. but at that point it will be necessary to find out what's flying around that adorable head of his.
does he or does he not like me?
that's the million dollar question, kids.

if only it were as simple as the sixth grade flower "He loves me, he loves me not..." test...

i love it and hate it. mostly though, it's a hate thing. i didn't plan this. i didn't want this. i just want to know how it's going to end. probably not well, but you never know, i guess....

advice, anyone? heaven and hell both know i'm out of my element on this one! :(

the awkward things I did today...

so, i went with my pal Jade to Twizzleberry, the froyo place I have a serious obsession with.
they do this thing, "Weight of the Day," and if your froyo weighs that much, you get it free.
i NEVER get it right. well today, i filled my yogurt, topped it, and plopped it down.
12.2. not even really thinking about it or expecting it, i asked, "What's the weight of the day?"
so i walked over to the sign that tells you and it says TWELVE POINT TWO!!! :) :) :) :)
so of course i squealed and danced this crazy dance for exactly 12.2 seconds. EVERYONE, and i do mean everyone died laughing.

after that, we ran to Hastings to look for a book my crush was wanting to read. he finished the last one he had today and was looking for the first one. neither wal-mart had it, so we went our separate ways. i ended up going to Jade's house and he just went...elsewhere, i guess.
well....who was walking out when we were getting out of my car? the crush...

don't worry. i was just still eating my froyo and of course he and i had already gone to ColdStone today. i'm sure he thinks all i eat is frozen dairy products...not to mention the fact that now he probably thinks i'm stalking him. which i probably am, but he doesn't need to know that...

in addition to that, i might have let it slip that i'm not going to add him on facebook because i don't want him to know how crazy i. he just smiled and in his cute little way said, "well maybe i wasn't going to let you add me."
i just had to laugh and said, "good, because i am NOT adding you..."
to which he just replied, "i guess we'll see..."
dear Crush, i'm not breaking...i'm going to snap you up before i add you on facebook. then you'll already be kind of in love with me before you know exactly what you're getting yourself into.

soon i'll tell you all about the crush. i'm 80% sure he likes me.
and then 20% sure he thinks i'm completely insane. hopefully the 80% wins.