does anybody know how to hold my heart?

Firstly, there should be a STILL before my relationship status of Single.

i have been on a million first dates.

second dates: one.

third dates: zero.

i've done dinner dates, lunch dates, movie dates, and ice cream dates.

i've been mellow. i've been crazy. i've been quirky. i've been sweet.

i've been cuddly. i've been reserved. on every date, i've just been me.

i've dated Mormons, i've dated Atheists, i've dated Americans. Liberians.

Younger guys. Older guys. employed and unemployed.

short guys. tall guys. skinny guys. big guys. quiet guys. funny guys. grumpy guys.

i was genuinely interested in one...he decided i made a better plaything than long-term commitment.

and so i've become cynical.

i don't let myself have crushes.

i don't fall in love.

i stay in on the weekends and have DIY parties.

i treat myself to dinner.

i go to movies alone.

i'm okay on my own. and i don't need a man.

i work full-time. i have a lease. a car payment.

and a 401k.

i'll be going back to school in the fall.

i will completely school by the time i'm 25.

i might throw in some weird adventures before then.

who can say?

i'll become a teacher.

and if my FEC never comes along, i'll adopt some babies.

you don't need to be married to be a mom.

and so i won't wait for one to come along to make my dreams come true.

that's been the plan anyways.

i convinced myself i didn't need a man.

and then i met one i kinda liked.

he cuddled. he kissed the back of my neck.

he held my hands when we drove places.

i fell asleep on him during movies.

he was great.

and most of the things i wanted.

but we didn't have the same standards.

we weren't going the same places.

and that mattered to me, so i said good-bye.

because i wanted forever. and he wanted tattoos.

so now i'm left alone again, hoping for forever.

i don't ask for much, i don't think.

i just want a cute little average guy.

someone to love me and take care of me.

to take hold of my hand and never let go.

i want someone to fight with me.

someone to hug me around the waist and kiss my neck when i'm cooking.

and then drag me to church, even when i just don't want to go.

i want a white picket fence and a mailbox with our hand prints painted on.

i wanna be in love. the forever kind of love.

the "let's wait and make it special" kind of love.

i'm not very patient though. and so i hope he comes soon.

and i hope when he comes, he loves me in spite of all the mistakes i constantly make.

i want babies and date nights.

most of my dreams will come true because i can make them come true.

but one dream i just can't control.

and it just so happens to be the biggest one.

i want to be in love. i want my Mr. Perfectly Imperfect.

i want someone to hold my hand.

and more importantly, someone to hold my heart...

i can do it myself, only where's the fun in that?