day two: you can't buy me love...

as i was driving home from my career today, i had this discourse with yours truly:

"you can buy pretty much anything online. i'm never leaving my house ever again. except when i forget to order toilet paper. or stop to buy gas on my way to work."

"silly jaycie. you cannot buy LOVE online...."

"Yes you can! how do you think eHarmony.com, zoosk.com, match.com, Chemistry.com, ldssingles.com, and even plentyoffish.com make money? Mind you, plentyoffish.com is free. But the rest feast on the loneliness of everyone over the age of 18."

"oh....that."

but in all seriousness, i think it's just a conspiracy. after trying a few of them out, i have determined that dating is probably better left to real life experiences.

of all the guys i've ever met via the world wide web, nothing good has come of it.

i've had bunches of first dates. they all sucked.

see, the people who run online dating sites say they'll match you up on important things, but they're too busy finding new ways to screw you over to ever actually find anything to hold people together.

and then there's the issue of having led completely different lives.

when you meet someone the old-fashioned way, it's pretty likely that you crossed paths doing something you have in common.

like going to church.

or to school.

or even just working together.

but you can't do that with a dating site.

for example, my last date: k.

let me just draw out the big differences.

jaycie:

19, almost 20.

mormon.

works 9 to 5.

bedtime: eleven.

wake-up: as late as i can manage.

goes to institute on weekday nights.

stays in and does crafts on the weekends.

church sunday morning.

baking in the afternoon.

life plan: get married to a Sugar Daddy and have babies. my house will have shutters and a white picket fence. my kids will grow up singing, "Jesus wants me for a sunbeam." I'll be a relief society president and take casseroles or Chinese take-out to people when their loved ones die.

k.:

18.

non-religious.

works at McDonald's.

stays up until four in the a.m.

wake-up: noon.

plays x-box with his dad during the week.

parties on the weekends.

sleeps off the parties on sunday.

life plan: explore the world. get covered in tattoos. marry the first anti-psycho girl he can find. he'll probably raise kids just like him. he doesn't yet know what he wants to be when he grows up. his idea of a college education is culinary school.

see the problems here?

new plan to land a man:

go to church on sundays.

go to institute on weeknights.

spend more time in grocery stores.

jam out on the way to work.

meander the aisles in the library.

when Mr. Right is supposed to, he'll turn up.

i hope so, anyways.