here's the thing about life...

Nothing is permanent in this wicked world. Not even our troubles.
Charles Chapman.

For the past two years, my life has been stuck in a constant state of change.
I've moved nine times in the past two years. I've had roommates, new families, new friends, new experiences.
I've worked six jobs, one of which is still pretty constant.
I got a new car.
I painted my bedroom.
I've been through tons of clothes.
My hair has been a hundred colors and styles.
I've been through 3,000 new songs.
The man who hurt me the most was put behind bars.
My grade school crush has been gone for almost two years and will be returning shortly.
I've met people who changed my life. Some people have lingered, some people have left.

Change...you know, I'm a 20-year-old single girl. I suppose that makes change inevitable.
I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up.
I have no idea where I'll live, who will be around, when things will happen for me.
Even next week doesn't really have a plan. I don't see a point to plan things. When I make plans, they always end up changing anyways. So I just don't. It's probably not the wisest way to go about things, but it only makes sense.
Though I crave it more than anything else, it doesn't look like my life will be calming down anytime soon.

It's kind of funny. Everyone around me seems to be making choices and taking big steps. Most of my friends are falling in love, getting married, finishing school, starting careers, and moving on. I'm so proud of them and I realize that things are bound to change between us. I'll be honest, it does make me a little sad that they're moving on while I'm stuck, but i really am so happy for them.

In my weird Jaycie way, I both envy and pity them.
I'm a little jealous that they're all finding joy and embarking on the journey of the rest of their lives. I'm always wondering if and when that will be me, smiling into the cameras next to my best friend and love, eating cake and dancing the night away, celebrating the joining of our lives.
But I also pity them, that they're getting themselves stuck. Once you're married or start a career, there's no turning back. At any given moment, I can pack up and leave, with barely a backwards glance. They can't do that anymore.

I don't have much, but I don't need much. On one hand, it's a relief, having nothing that really holds me back.
On the other, it makes me wonder if I'd even be missed if I left. Obviously people would notice, but how many days would pass by before I was just a memory?

These are the things on my mind and the reasons I can't seem to convince anyone to date me. My life's a mess, as always. I guess I'll keep taking it one day at a time and see where that lands me.

Perhaps I'm just not the person it ever really works out for. Jaycie, the wandering princess of change. It does have a little bit of a ring to it...