Israel,
you know...we met just under a year ago. in fact, i think we'll have met a year ago this week. it's been a pretty crazy year for us both. a lot of changes, both good and bad. basically it comes down to me letting myself get caught up in things i didn't truly want. i can't let you have that control over me anymore, control you probably didn't know you had.
for the record, i'm glad i got to know you in the small ways you bothered to let me get to know you. i know i tried my hardest to help you, though most of that went ignored. we could have had something incredible, but you would have had to want it in order for that to have happened.
i don't regret any of it, and i'm sure i'll look back on this, at the struggles, the lessons, sometimes the laughs, and smile a little. i know you'll be okay. like me, you're a survivor no matter what gets thrown your way.
i've had a lot of weird things happen in my life recently, most things i've never felt i could talk to you about, which is unfortunate. in any case, i wish you the best. i hope you move on and find things to fill your life with that leave you smiling and genuinely happy. i wish the same thing for myself, which is what's brought me to this point.
i want more for my life than what i've been allowing myself by keeping you in my life. i will mourn what might have been, for a time. then i will pick myself up, create a life outside of us and what we've been doing and i'm sure it will be rewarding in other ways.
thanks for the lessons. thanks for the friendship, though it was strange to say the least. if we cross paths again, i'll smile at you and ask how you've been, but i don't think you'll won't really recognize me then, because i'll be stronger, the woman i was meant to be all along.
they say, "Parting is such sweet sorrow." I haven't found the sweetness yet, but i think it's bound to head my way eventually.
Goodbye Israel.
Jaycie
*moments after writing this, i blocked him on facebook. i blocked him for Wallice too. i blocked his number. then i deleted it. just so i wouldn't be able to turn back.
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love this. so much.
ReplyDeletegood for you Jaycie, honestly.
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written Jaycie. You are a very strong and wonderful woman that deserves the best! Good for you :)
ReplyDeleteToday is a great day to make strong changes in our lives. Today is my dad's 28th AA birthday! I'm so grateful he found the strength to make positive changes in his life and take care of himself. That is exactly what you are doing, my dear. We make decisions and stick to them. 28 years later, we can look back and feel the strength we've built up over that period of time and know we did the right thing.
ReplyDeleteYou give me strength dear. Love you
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