a letter to my Future Eternal Companion...

Hey Baby, or FEC for short.

i know you're my best friend. my very bff, and even though i say i have a million, it's really you.

i know you watch Madagascar with me because it makes me okay.

will you bring me ice cream when i'm down?

and fetch me midol and tampons when i just can't bear to go out?

will you call me jaycie penny to tease me?

and instead of trying to fix things, just whisper, "jayc..." and know it's just enough for me...

please hug me a million times a day.

and even when you think i've had enough, hug me one more time.

i promise it'll never get old.

please understand my mistakes and my flaws.

and love them more than the things i'm good at.

when i say, "do you love me even though i'm a savage?"

i hope you say, "i love you ESPECIALLY because you're a savage..."

remind me sometimes that life isn't meant to be serious.

when there are bills, and kids are screaming, and the house is a mess,

dance with me in the kitchen.

i hope you tease me when i cry during the cute commercials.

and when i see a mom kissin' her baby's skinned knee.

or follow around an old couple who are still so madly in love.

but i hope it makes you smile a little. and fall in love with me a little more.

just because it's a part of me that you love.

argue with me. and then help me with the dishes.

please let's make it tradition, to always do the dishes together?

we won't need a dishwasher. because we both have hands to do the work.

it'll be our special time to talk and laugh and sometimes cry.

love our babies.

and leave work at the door before you come home.

play with us. and make us the most important part of your world.

we'll be waiting when you come home.

the house might be a mess. and dinner might not be ready.

but I will try to be showered and cute for you, because it’s what you deserve.

and i'll always be waiting with a kiss meant just for you.

don't get mad when i spend out grocery money on jeans.

instead, admire how great they make my butt look.

please remember i love you most, even though i sometimes still cry over "him."

it's not that i miss him. it's that i wish you'd been able to see who i was before he changed everything about me.

when i wasn't as cautious.

when i trusted more.

laughed easier.

and panicked less.

just love me.

even when i'm pregnant and fat.

and not pregnant, but still a little fat.

eventually i’ll get my cute body back. 

love me when i cut off all my hair on accident.

or turn it a funny color.

love me when i'm happy.

and especially when i'm sad.

love me when i swear and scream.

sing to me. even if you have a bad voice.

and i'll sing to you. in public. just to embarrass you.

do those things for me. and i promise to love you forever and always.

through thick and thin. through our poor days and maybe our rich days.

when there are leaks in the roof. and our floors creak.

i'll love you when you're stressed.

and i'll straighten your tie when it's crooked.

tell me i'm pretty even when i'm probably not.

i'll roll my eyes. but secretly feel like a princess.

i may be crazy. i may not be the prettiest. or the skinniest.

but i'll try my best to be perfect for you.

you know, i want the boring kind of life.

that perfect happiness that comes from just being together.

not because life is perfect.

not because we are perfect.

but because our love is.

and sometimes when i push you away,

or say really mean things,

just keep loving me.

and i promise to keep loving you.

even when it's not easy, i promise to keep loving you.

forever yours,

jaycie penny.