all jokes aside,

i'm going to be okay.

i quit my job.
i moved out of my place.
i signed a lease in cedar city.
i'm staying a week in kaysville. to house and dog sit.

i'm an angry little elf. why?
because the internet doesn't love me.
so watching my glorious Michael Westin flicks takes time.
it goes something like this:
pick an episode. let it buffer.
play the buffered part. pause it.
let it buffer again.

i have a pile of laundry as big as Mt. Everest.
and i'm thinking i'll probably donate half of it when it's clean.
besides, it can't all fit in my car anyways.

i'm thinking cedar city will be a summer adventure.
i'll find a job, work my buns off, and then figure it out after that.
but cedar city has golden spoon. and that just might be reason enough to never leave.

life is currently going in a strange little direction.
aka...it doesn't really have a direction.

i'm thinking perhaps going to hair school.
regular school.
work. then a mission.
alaska.

marriage, eventually. while on this topic, i'd like to point out that i am six years old and that for the first time since i was sixteen, they have cooties. not only am i not looking for a relationship with a male, i'm dreading it. everyone else is getting married. i'm setting sails for SingleHappyLoserVille.

the obsessions today:
you know the Reese's cereal? yes, that. plain or with milk. i'll take it either.
showering. as soon as i finish the episode of Burn Notice i find myself waiting for.
clean laundry.
my break-up cactus. it's still alive and kickin'. what is this? jaycie keeping something alive?! yes. i, miss jaycie leishman, have a very much alive cactus. not that it's hard to keep a cactus alive. i water it only perhaps every week or two. i think it's growing. mind you, i spilled all of the dirt in my car. because moving is tough.

speaking of which, anyone with a big truck want to haul my poor buttocks down to cedar sometime in the next month or so? obviously i'm not really on a tight schedule anymore.

p.s. i went through all the movies at the kaysville pad. i found 17 movies from My List of Movies to Watch Soon. perhaps i'll tackle them all. along with the rest of season 3 and all of season 4 of Burn Notice. Though i have absolutely nothing to do, i feel as though it'll be a busy week!

the day i got fired...

remember this guy? well, he got me fired today...

i show up to work, cheerful and happy and perky as usual.
a couple hours later, i'm sitting in my Boss' office being questioned.

why? well, cb showed up to work today to find this, clear in Columbus, OH.

yes, that's me. plastered all over his cubicle.

i assure you i had nothing to do with it.
the plot thickens.

soon after arriving, cb, along with THE ENTIRE COMPANY received this e-mail:

From: Susie B.
Sent: Friday, April 01, 2011 9:25 AM
To: +All
Subject: Welcome New Employee to Team Leader!

Please join me in welcoming Jaycie Leishman to Team Leader! Jaycie will be joining our team as Logistics Coordinator, beginning on Monday, April 18. She currently resides in Salt Lake City, Utah and will be taking the next two weeks to relocate to Columbus.

Jaycie is currently an inside rep for one of our vendors, Snugz, so many of you have spoken with her on the phone. Aside from her background in thepromotional products industry (which will be very valuable to us!), Jaycie enjoys writing romance novels, snuggling in front of a crackling fire, and long walks on the beach.

I am sure you’re wondering why someone would consider relocating from Salt Lake to COLUMBUS!? I asked her the same question, and she coyly replied “my soul mate… the love of my life… lives in Columbus.” Then she kept talking about some dude’s VOICE… not sure where she was going with that one.

In any case, please give Jaycie a warm LP welcome when you see her – she’s moving a long way from home, and with only CB to keep her company, she’ll need your support.

Thanks!

Susie B.

Director of Strategic Accounts

A few of the LP reps decided they better forward it on to my boss.

Naturally, my boss freaked out. 

Since when am I moving to Columbus, Ohio? 

She TOLD me not to give out personal information to clients! 

How does this look for the company? 

The scolding went on and on and on....

I couldn't convince her it was just an April Fool's Day joke. Especially when she asked about "the Voice." What was I supposed to say? i AM obsessed with that voice...

Then B., the owner of the company comes in, gives this rant about how unprofessional my actions have been, that the company doesn't deserve this kind of reputation, and that they have to let me go.

Shortly after leaving, my Check Engine light came on. I guess I'll have to find new means of transportation to Ohio to start my job on the 18th. 

Perhaps next year, I just won't get out of bed on April Fool's Day...

i need some advice.

at this point i have five options, as far as i can tell.

my landlord told me today he has people interested in my place. we've been having roommate problems and this would be a good way to sever ties and move on rather than trying to work through the mess for the next three months. it's a good option, only i need to act, well...now.

so, here are the options i can see. read, then advise:

one.
i stay living where i'm at in salt lake for the next three months.
when my lease is almost up, start contemplating the future.
if i choose option one, nothing changes. at least...not for three months until my lease is up.

two.
i can just move elsewhere in salt lake. that would mean a new lease, which would keep me tied to salt lake for at least six months or a year. i would keep the same job. try to plant some roots and create a life in salt lake rather than just being in survival mode like i currently am.

three.
move to cedar city. find a new job.
pay off the student loans. go on a mission or go back to school next spring.
reconnect with friends. have a simple life, complicated only by things i love.

four.
move back to logan. bide my time and find a cute house and a new job.
maybe go to school at usu in the spring. maybe go on a mission.. work at coldstone, maybe.
matt will be back the end of june. who even knows what that means?

five.
go to a completely new place. live in a mystery place. do a mystery job.
Note: If you pick option five, you better lay out the details...aka where i will live and what i will do.

now please, cast a vote. give me advice. i have NO IDEA what i'm supposed to be doing with my life. i couldn't even tell you what i want to be doing in my life.
quite frankly, i do not like having this many options. please, someone, ANYONE, just tell me what i need to do...

why can't i just have a few options placed before me? i want to be able to just look and pick the job, the house, and the man. oh, that it were that simple.

that voice...

i have a crush.
now back up a few weeks.

you know i work for a place that does lanyards and lip balm.
if you didn't know that, shame on you.

anyways, one morning, i'm just happily answering the phone, chatting about layards. and i get a call:
me: "thank you for holding, this is Jaycie, how can i help you?"
cb: "did you say jay-z? like the rapper?" (um....sexiest voice i've ever heard? yes!)
me: "nope, jaycie, like JCPenny."
cb: (sexy laugh too? it's my lucky day.) "oh, Jaycie Penny!"
me: (silent, not laughing.)
cb: (suddenly serious.) "well Jaycie Penny, i have a question. What is the difference between the yellow polyester lanyard and the yellow nylon lanyard? is the nylon way brighter than the poly?"
me: "i have no idea."
cb: "what do you mean?"
me: "i haven't compared them. i only have a yellow polyester lanyard."
cb: "well i have a yellow nylon lanyard. i guess you have the cereal and i've got the milk..."
me: "so bring me the milk." (not thinking this could be interpreted badly.)
cb: (laughs out loud.) 
me: (giggles nervously. clears throat.)
cb: "did you just giggle?"
me: (lying face and voice,) "No!"
cb: "you have a cute little giggle. I bet you're blushing."
me: (jaw drops. blush deepens.) "how did you know that?"
cb: (chuckles.)  "i've heard i give good phone...now run and go find a yellow nylon lanyard."
me: "do you want me to call you back? what's your number?"
cb: "whoa, whoa, whoa. just put me on hold. i'll wait. i don't give out my number that easily."
me: (long pause, then a sigh.) "it might be a couple minutes..."
cb: "don't keep me waiting too long."


put him on hold. literally run for a lanyard. find one, run back.


me: (panting from my sprint.) "thank you for holding."
cb: "that was fast."
me: "you know me...always aiming to please."
cb: "okay, so what's the difference?"


after explaining the difference in color, he asked me which one i preferred. 


me: "um, the poly. definitely. it's more soft and smooth. i don't like rough stuff touching me. and the nylon feels like a leash."
cb: you don't like being tied up?"
me: (eyes widen, too shocked to speak. finally giggle.)
cb: "do you giggle like this with everyone?"
me: "no. no one."


after a few more wildly inappropriate comments, we hung up. only for him to call back within an hour on an unrelated order. 
i giggled. he used that sexy voice on me...i was a goner.
he made me SOOOO nervous, so i didn't give him all the details he needed. 
i had to call him back. 
i giggled. he was naughty. especially considering we were both working.
i kind of liked it. but i'll never admit it.


now he calls me a couple times a week. i giggle every time. he tells me to calm down every time.
we play phone and e-mail tag. rarely about business.


i save his life when he needs lanyards in a pinch.


it must be true love. and true love does NOT have a lazy eye...

recap.

instead of the goofy, "He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not." thing that girls are prone to do, i spend hours every single day going, "Logan. Cedar city. Logan. Cedar city."

it's not funny, i'm dying here.

in any case, i've had beautiful week full of people i haven't spent enough time with lately.

i caught up a little with my aryan.

eric and the boys.

amos.

kat.

crazy tammie. 

lauren.

taylor the romanian girl missionary.

taylor my beto's lover.

seth the very barton.

logan soon to be stephens.

james and nancy lowe. my brotha and otha motha. 

buzz lightyear, my amazing bishop.

ashlee adkins, my lover.

one name is missing from the list, but the separation on that one wasn't my fault and i'm not fixing it. oh well.

five things i've learned recently:

1. don't spray paint a bed frame from ikea. just leave the stupid thing white. it's cute either way. obviously you'll have to spend hours undoing the work or buy sixteen cans of spray paint to get the job done. neither is a good option.

2. if you have a problem, KISS it. Keep It Simple, Stupid. 

3. spies don't get fired, they get burned.

4. there was a super big earthquake in japan. (honestly didn't know that until my dad brought it up.)

5. you can buy gym memberships on ksl. it's similar to buying a dog or bookshelf, oBviously.

6. my hair is longer than it's been in THREE years. yes. i rock. it's getting there.

7. found my dream shoes on ebay. you betcha i'm buying them soon.

8. my rent is 272 dollars, not 372. now my landlord is having a massage on me...whatevs. that better come off next month's rent, Stewart A. Jones.

now, Michael Westin and i have a date. and that date will be followed by a double date with Wallice and Bedtime. 

nighto, lighto!