it's four a.m. and i have to be up soon...

so...why am i awake???

well, there are a million things on my mind. how about a list? we like lists! ESPECIALLY AT FOUR A.M.! 

madagascar. 

stride mystery gum.

minty chapstick in a black tube.

cupcake lotion.

jeggings.

breakfast burritos.

cudding.

music.

me coming on way too strong.

me being impatient.

me being a little scared of change.

soft, smooth, shaved legs.

me also being a little scared of feelings. mine and anti-mine. yes, both of those.

gasoline.

teddy bears.

my sad bank account. bills suck. friday will be great.

my lonely bike out in the cold.

handy manny. (he's a cartoon on disney, if you didn't know.)

messy hair/bobby pins.

i probably don't want to shower tomorrow.

toy story aliens.

cute undies.

pickle chips.

kat. amos. bear lake. dancing. life-saving porta potties. cold water. olive garden.

i'm craving salad. and ramen noodles.

tickets of all kinds. 

allergies.

this is how i feel within an hour of taking my allergy meds.

yes. i do go that crazy.

maybe i took some today. maybe i didn't. i'll never tell.

mini m&m's. i want some.

caught up on burn notice...three days, then the end of the summer season. i'll cry a little.

if i were going to break a heart, i'd do it like a band-aid. just a clean, fast rip. to get it over with.

i wouldn't wait. i wouldn't do it slowly. i imagine/hope most people are like that.

one second rant, okay?

i know i'm young. but that doesn't mean i'm incapable of making decisions. if i want to get married, i'll get married. if i want to be single forever, i'll be single forever. it doesn't matter if you ask me if i have a boyfriend or when i'm getting married. that sure as hell won't rush me into anything faster, so give it a rest. i'll do that crap on my own timescale, capeshe? 

in addition to that, i will decide if/when/where i go in my life. it isn't based on any particular person or place. the ONLY reason i haven't settled down anywhere is because i haven't found anything/anyone to tie me to one place. if that were to happen, i'd settle down easy squeezy. if i say i'm in, i'm really in. i don't get attached to things for my own sake. but once it happens, i'm in for life. and if not for life...then until it's completely impossible to be attached anymore. i don't take stuff like that lightly.

it's not that i have a fear of commitment or that i can't commit. it's that i hadn't found anyone/anything i wanted to commit to. like i said, i'll do that on my own. obviously there are two sides to that. good thing i'm tough, just in case certain people/places don't work.

i'm very brave. like a lion. 

dandelions are my favorite flowers.

i have to be up soon, you know? so i can take my Mama Pam and Porter to slc because she's really afraid of freeway driving and i'm kind of a ninja. 

also, in case you didn't know, i'm brilliant.

i had a fortune cookie last week that said, 

"your personality is great--share it proudly--don't debate."

i sure won't apologize for being me, so i suppose it'll be easiest if you embrace that.

i'll raise a glass to that.

relax...just a glass of water.