i'm seriously gonna have to slit my wrists....

current time: 5:23 a.m.
my lovely sister, Jordan, just climbed in the shower to start her day.


we're going to Quentin Tarantino this crap, okay? that's code for, "let's go back in time and figure out what's brought us to this, the breaking point."


(p.s. if you read this, Jordan, in two years when you're embarking on your senior year of high school i'm just going to die laughing when you roll out of bed with only enough time to pull on sweats, brush your teeth, and make it to school, ice cream in hand for breakfast, eight seconds before the tardy bell.it's just how giving up goes. you'll understand soon enough, my young padawan.)


4:34 a.m.
startled awake. it was probably a combo of my desperate need to pee as well as my inability to breathe...
turned on my phone, saw a text from my bff Kady that i'll reply to in a couple hours, then hopped off the bed to take care of business.


4:36 a.m.
climbed back in bed, after peeing. still couldn't breathe, but then again, when can i these days?


4:39 a.m.
facebook notifications are received to my phone. now that i know they're there, i can't go back to sleep until i check them out.


4:44 a.m.
sit up in bed. i really, really can't breathe. grab some kleenex out of my orange monster box and attempt to blow my brains out through my nose. unsuccessful. of course. huge success: throwing the used tissue and scoring a basket from my bed. update facebook status. hurry!!! this is big news, yo...


4:52 a.m.
still just can't breathe. begin contemplating all the ways to cut off my nose without spiting my face, only to realize my eyes are going savage. but, so are my ears and throat. surely, i can't remove all those parts. i'm not a doctor, but i imagine they're fairly important.


4:53 a.m.
climb out of bed, find a shirt, and contemplate looking for pants. why bother? it's not like anyone else is awake...leave the safety of my warm little room, and go upstairs.


4:54 a.m. accident on the stairs. they're hard wood, it's dark. i crash and hit my knee, but caught myself on my hands. curse my parents for deciding hardwood stairs were really not that great of an idea...


4:55 a.m.
nasal spray has been sprayed. nasal decongestant pill is being swallowed. i gagged a little. i really don't like swallowing pills.


4:57 a.m.
i barely make it back to my room alive, after battling the dinosaurs in the hallway.
my nose is protesting, which is great news.


4:59 a.m.
after i couldn't hold it any longer, i finally blew my brains out my nose. it always, 100% of the time feels amazing. because eventually, at the end of this process, i will probably/hopefully be able to breathe.


5:03 a.m.
i still can't breathe and my eyes are screaming swear words. with dread, i climb out of bed and embark on the journey to my car. the weather man said it would get down to 48°, but of course he lied. the SECOND i step outside, goosebumps appear on all limbs, my toes go numb, and involuntary shivers travel the course of my body.


5:06 a.m. 
i have finally located my eye drops and allergy pills. run inside, pop a couple allergy pills. the specific number? well...who can say? i consume them pretty much like i consume popcorn or mini m&m's these days.


5:08 a.m.
i've been holding my eye drops for a few minutes. hopefully they don't freeze my eyes when i drop the liquid gold in there.


5:09 a.m. 
more involuntary shivers. it was wishful thinking to hope the eye drops would be warm enough...they're FREEZING. it's death, putting cold eye drops in.


5:11 a.m.
bed. finally. my warm, sweet bed. i never want to leave you again...what? i'm not tired anymore? there's not a chance i'm going back to sleep? <i may have shed some literal tears here. don't judge me....i'm miserable.>


5:13 a.m.
i realized i have done all these things without turning on a light. my 'yes, i am seven years old and i have glowy stars on my ceiling' stars are glowing...you know what this means?!?! six hours later and they still give light. i can admire that.


5:17 a.m.
hey, i can mostly breathe. sleep time. finally.


5:20 a.m.
jordan's justin beiber alarm. it rang only for 3.7 seconds, but this means i'm not sleeping any time soon. i can sleep through ANYTHING. i cannot, however, fall asleep to the sounds of someone getting ready. <i'll admit these tears. now i want to jump off a cliff.>


5:23 a.m. 
laptop has been located. eyes have adjusted. i just finished watching this gem:

i know i posted it two days ago. it just gets more hilarious every time i watch it, especially considering i took allergy pills 17 minutes ago. on an empty stomach they work faster, and by this point i can sympathize with David because i'm feeling and acting just like him...I'm screaming a little, asking, "Is this gonna be forever?!" in despair, and thinking David's dad is kind of an idiot.


side note: when David's like, "I can't see anything..." and his dad says, "Yes, you can!" I always want to slit his throat. seriously, David's dad?! seriously? you don't know...you're not the one hopped up on whatever those savages injected David with....




5:23 a.m. to 5:58 a.m.
write/perfect this blog. blow my nose six million times. wonder how the heck Jordan can stand this kind of music before 6 a.m.


5:59 a.m.
i am soooo dizzy. i have pillows propping literally every single part of my body, but i feel like i might fall off them any second, so i'm also on edge.


6:00 a.m.
shivers. i'm really cold. this really sucks. i can't sleep through Jordan, so i'll wait for her to leave in an hour and ten minutes. perhaps by then i'll still be able to breathe. maybe my eyes will stop itching savagely for a few minutes so i can have a nap.


i am riding my bike today. seriously...allergies are NOT stopping me or running my life today. absolutely not.


also, i know i ask always, but i seriously need any/all input. HOW DO YOU GET RID OF YOUR ALLERGIES?!?! there is literally no price i won't pay right now.


i know we've discussed shots and acupuncture. i want to know prices, timelines of how quickly you recovered, etc. something's gotta give. i seriously might not make it through another night like this...breathing is important, you know.


6:03 a.m.
Jordan is drying her hair. the blow dryer is giving me some serious anxiety.
i need to go bury my head in a hole. peace out, yo.
FIX ME, PLEASE!!! Please, help me! I'M BEGGING YOU. HELP ME!!!!!!!!!!!!


6:07 a.m.
is this gonna be forever?! <legit crying. i am so tired. and so miserable.>