that voice...

i have a crush.
now back up a few weeks.

you know i work for a place that does lanyards and lip balm.
if you didn't know that, shame on you.

anyways, one morning, i'm just happily answering the phone, chatting about layards. and i get a call:
me: "thank you for holding, this is Jaycie, how can i help you?"
cb: "did you say jay-z? like the rapper?" (um....sexiest voice i've ever heard? yes!)
me: "nope, jaycie, like JCPenny."
cb: (sexy laugh too? it's my lucky day.) "oh, Jaycie Penny!"
me: (silent, not laughing.)
cb: (suddenly serious.) "well Jaycie Penny, i have a question. What is the difference between the yellow polyester lanyard and the yellow nylon lanyard? is the nylon way brighter than the poly?"
me: "i have no idea."
cb: "what do you mean?"
me: "i haven't compared them. i only have a yellow polyester lanyard."
cb: "well i have a yellow nylon lanyard. i guess you have the cereal and i've got the milk..."
me: "so bring me the milk." (not thinking this could be interpreted badly.)
cb: (laughs out loud.) 
me: (giggles nervously. clears throat.)
cb: "did you just giggle?"
me: (lying face and voice,) "No!"
cb: "you have a cute little giggle. I bet you're blushing."
me: (jaw drops. blush deepens.) "how did you know that?"
cb: (chuckles.)  "i've heard i give good phone...now run and go find a yellow nylon lanyard."
me: "do you want me to call you back? what's your number?"
cb: "whoa, whoa, whoa. just put me on hold. i'll wait. i don't give out my number that easily."
me: (long pause, then a sigh.) "it might be a couple minutes..."
cb: "don't keep me waiting too long."


put him on hold. literally run for a lanyard. find one, run back.


me: (panting from my sprint.) "thank you for holding."
cb: "that was fast."
me: "you know me...always aiming to please."
cb: "okay, so what's the difference?"


after explaining the difference in color, he asked me which one i preferred. 


me: "um, the poly. definitely. it's more soft and smooth. i don't like rough stuff touching me. and the nylon feels like a leash."
cb: you don't like being tied up?"
me: (eyes widen, too shocked to speak. finally giggle.)
cb: "do you giggle like this with everyone?"
me: "no. no one."


after a few more wildly inappropriate comments, we hung up. only for him to call back within an hour on an unrelated order. 
i giggled. he used that sexy voice on me...i was a goner.
he made me SOOOO nervous, so i didn't give him all the details he needed. 
i had to call him back. 
i giggled. he was naughty. especially considering we were both working.
i kind of liked it. but i'll never admit it.


now he calls me a couple times a week. i giggle every time. he tells me to calm down every time.
we play phone and e-mail tag. rarely about business.


i save his life when he needs lanyards in a pinch.


it must be true love. and true love does NOT have a lazy eye...

recap.

instead of the goofy, "He loves me. He loves me not. He loves me. He loves me not." thing that girls are prone to do, i spend hours every single day going, "Logan. Cedar city. Logan. Cedar city."

it's not funny, i'm dying here.

in any case, i've had beautiful week full of people i haven't spent enough time with lately.

i caught up a little with my aryan.

eric and the boys.

amos.

kat.

crazy tammie. 

lauren.

taylor the romanian girl missionary.

taylor my beto's lover.

seth the very barton.

logan soon to be stephens.

james and nancy lowe. my brotha and otha motha. 

buzz lightyear, my amazing bishop.

ashlee adkins, my lover.

one name is missing from the list, but the separation on that one wasn't my fault and i'm not fixing it. oh well.

five things i've learned recently:

1. don't spray paint a bed frame from ikea. just leave the stupid thing white. it's cute either way. obviously you'll have to spend hours undoing the work or buy sixteen cans of spray paint to get the job done. neither is a good option.

2. if you have a problem, KISS it. Keep It Simple, Stupid. 

3. spies don't get fired, they get burned.

4. there was a super big earthquake in japan. (honestly didn't know that until my dad brought it up.)

5. you can buy gym memberships on ksl. it's similar to buying a dog or bookshelf, oBviously.

6. my hair is longer than it's been in THREE years. yes. i rock. it's getting there.

7. found my dream shoes on ebay. you betcha i'm buying them soon.

8. my rent is 272 dollars, not 372. now my landlord is having a massage on me...whatevs. that better come off next month's rent, Stewart A. Jones.

now, Michael Westin and i have a date. and that date will be followed by a double date with Wallice and Bedtime. 

nighto, lighto! 

the letter i didn't think i could write...

Israel,
you know...we met just under a year ago. in fact, i think we'll have met a year ago this week. it's been a pretty crazy year for us both. a lot of changes, both good and bad. basically it comes down to me letting myself get caught up in things i didn't truly want. i can't let you have that control over me anymore, control you probably didn't know you had.
for the record, i'm glad i got to know you in the small ways you bothered to let me get to know you. i know i tried my hardest to help you, though most of that went ignored. we could have had something incredible, but you would have had to want it in order for that to have happened.
i don't regret any of it, and i'm sure i'll look back on this, at the struggles, the lessons, sometimes the laughs, and smile a little. i know you'll be okay. like me, you're a survivor no matter what gets thrown your way.
i've had a lot of weird things happen in my life recently, most things i've never felt i could talk to you about, which is unfortunate. in any case, i wish you the best. i hope you move on and find things to fill your life with that leave you smiling and genuinely happy. i wish the same thing for myself, which is what's brought me to this point.
i want more for my life than what i've been allowing myself by keeping you in my life. i will mourn what might have been, for a time. then i will pick myself up, create a life outside of us and what we've been doing and i'm sure it will be rewarding in other ways.
thanks for the lessons. thanks for the friendship, though it was strange to say the least. if we cross paths again, i'll smile at you and ask how you've been, but i don't think you'll won't really recognize me then, because i'll be stronger, the woman i was meant to be all along.
they say, "Parting is such sweet sorrow." I haven't found the sweetness yet, but i think it's bound to head my way eventually.
Goodbye Israel.

Jaycie

*moments after writing this, i blocked him on facebook. i blocked him for Wallice too. i blocked his number. then i deleted it. just so i wouldn't be able to turn back.

hannah blog.

you mean something like this?

the day of good intentions and little else...

today was going to be great.
i wrote up a list last night of all the things i wanted to do today.

i didn't wake up by nine. i woke up at 12:41 p.m. i was going to go to bed around ten last night, but i went dancing with kyle the roommate and Tim #1, the anti-roommate. Then we came back to talk so i didn't go to bed until 3:00. yes. i got almost ten hours of uninterrupted sleep. ridiculous, i know.

i didn't make breakfast. i had a bowl of rice chex. followed by scrambled eggs and cheese. followed by part of Codi's Cafe Rio Salad. delicious.

i didn't clean my bathroom. in fact, other than to pee, i didn't even step inside the bathroom.

did i take a shower? nope. did i get dressed? nope. in fact, i'm still wearing the same thing i slept in/put on shortly after waking up.

i didn't return the doorknob. but i did take it off and put it nicely in the box so i can return it whenever i feel like it. so that's halfway done. and now there is most certainly a hole where a doorknob will need to go.

i was going to finish Blue Like Jazz. then a spider was running across the floor, so i picked up my book and killed the spider with it. the book has spider guts on it now. oBviously i can't finish it...

i was going to wash my car. but then i didn't want to walk more than 100 feet from my front door. it's probably going to rain this week anyways. i CLEANED OUT my car. the hot guys who live on the corner probably appreciated that i didn't put on pants to accomplish this endeavor. i know this because i heard a few whistles.

grocery shopping. no one even  likes grocery shopping. i can live off Go-Gurt, scrambled eggs, and Mac&Cheese for a few more days. easy. (i actually really love to go grocery shopping. but mostly i only like to go at odd hours. like two in the morning.)

is it a surprise blog stalking is the only thing crossed off my list? no, and i feel no need to rationalize this.

Burn Notice. i actually might start this right now. and perhaps the main character and i might befriend each other so i have a new friend? okay, yes. i'm in.

moral to the story of today, the Day of Good Intentions and Little Else: don't make to-do lists because there's no way any of that crap will get done anyways. amen

***that amen was premature.
 to all my salt lake lovers: hit up yo gurl. i can't have many more days like today. people are going to start thinking i need some serious help. last thing i need is to get sent to the loony bin.  that would really just cramp my style at this point...