the good intentions and little else...

i have at least three things i want to blog about.
i write them and rewrite them in my head a hundred times a day.

only problem is they never get posted. or even written down.

in my defense though, i've been working ridiculous amounts of overtime.
i have taken it upon myself to save all the strays.
and i've been wicked sleep deprived.

so, i can't make any promises. but i hope to be back with you shortly.
i'm working boatloads of overtime next week as well, but after that i'm all yours.
promise.

a few hints about what's coming up next:
i rescued a skunk.
i'm needing my Best back.
my twin's getting married.

it's a love/hate thing...

my job at Convergys really isn't that great. we troubleshoot for possibly the most well-known cable/internet/television provider. (hint..if you combine all three services, the promo includes an x.)

anyways, i listen to people whine all day about their internet and TVs being down.
their e-mails don't work. how do you program a remote? why can't they access their voicemail? etc.
like i said, it's not that glamorous.

but then there's Hollie.
and Hollie is the cheese to my macaroni.
if we were different genders or if she weren't married, we'd be in love.
she's kind of a geek. she plays computer games. and playstation 3. stuff like Zelda...whatever that is.

but we're BFFs. there's no one on that call floor i love and adore more.
she's this skinny blond little thing, but don't let that fool you. she's a six-time Mr. Universe winner.

we went to the Convergys BBQ today. we shared a hamburger. we fought with our cotton candy, and we like the same tunes once in awhile.

we laugh...oh, do we laugh! i'm pretty sure she'll be getting me fired for laughing too much really soon.
it'll be worth it though.

there's also the occasional sexy voice call. i flirt. they flirt back. we laugh. they ask for my extension, which i never give them. because, hello, i have a sexy voice in my life already...and he will NOT be replaced. besides, the new guys can't make me giggle quite like The Voice can.

aside from that, the overtime will allow me to <fingers crossed> buy my bike soon. hopefully in the next three weeks or so i'll be zooming around town on Maximilian. i think that's a pretty fitting name for my bike, seeing as how i hope to ride a million miles on it! :)

the saddest part of my day? knowing i won't be laughing my life away with Hollie tomorrow...dang her. for having the day off...okay, i'm way jealous.

nighto, lightos!

this is not about a penguin movie...Happy Feet! :)

i'm obsessed. I AM OBSESSED! and i don't care who knows it, which is good because everyone, and i do mean EVERYONE knows it. if you've seen me wandering around the planet, you already know the obsession. 

they are Vibram Fivefingers, and they're my current obsession.

do you stalk my facebook? they appeared in my life last spring. i wore them everywhere. they're in 60% of my profile pictures.

recently, i've acquired a few more pairs. and by a few, i mean now i have five pairs total. shhh. let's never discuss the dollar amount i have spent.

from top to bottom/left to right: (hint: if you click the name, it'll take you to various sites so YOU can get some!)

speed these are my newest pair. i've been lusting after them for almost a year, and until this month, they were only sold in the UK. now that they're in the US, i don't have a plan a trip to Europe for a pair of shoes. though you mark my words, i WOULD have....

classic this was my #2 pair. they are about as barefoot as you can get, while being ridiculously protected.

they aren't quite as worn as the purple pair in the same style, thus making them my go-to for the classics.

performa this is pair number four. they're leather and super duper minimalist. if you want next to nothing on your feet, they're the winner. the bottom is made thinner than every other pair, and instead of the bottom being one piece, like the other pairs, this pair has 7 separate pads. (5 for your toes, one for the ball of your foot, and one for the heel.)

kso trek sport pair number three...these are probably my least favorite of them all, though that doesn't say much, as i LOVE them. they're a little bit harder to put on, and they have more grips and are thicker on the bottom. though you can still move a lot, i mostly only wear these when i need something heavy duty.

classic this was the first pair i ever bought. i wore them EVERYWHERE for three months. work, play, my Alaskan cruise, everywhere. if i left my house, they were on my feet. it took probably eight months of heavy wear before they started to show all the wear and tear. they're still in great shape, but i don't wear them very often because they're getting a little more worn and i love them and want them to live forever. maybe i'll replace them. 

wearing fivefingers is like begging for people to stop and ask you about your shoes. 

my response is the FAQ list:

Q. does it bug your feet to have stuff between your toes?

A. not at all. does it bug you to wear flip flops? i didn't think so. you get used to them within a matter of hours.

Q. but there isn't any support. does that kill your feet?

A. also negative. if you think about it, God made your feet for YOUR body. They were designed to accomdate weight gain, weight loss, and hours upon hours of standing up and moving around. Shoes are a recent thing for humans, probably from the past couple hundred years or so. you don't NEED support from shoes. if you go barefoot, the muscles in your feet will strengthen and be their own support. it's shoes that destroy your feet. i look at it like this: if you didn't wear shoes, you wouldn't need shoes. and these are about as close to barefoot as you can get without becoming a Social Outcast. 

Q. well my middle toe is longer than my big toe. would they fit me?

A. yes. if you look closely, you'll notice that my number two toe is longer than my big toe too. when you size them, you go from the back of your heel to the end of your longest toe. sorry webbed-feet pals. they don't make them for you. although, i heard of some people cutting the seams and sewing them back up to work with their freaky toes....

Q. how do you get them on?

A. same as any shoes...by putting my feet in! ;) kidding...you have to put your toes in first. it's easiest if you put them on while they're on the floor. after awhile though, your toes know where to go. i can put all mine on in less than thirty seconds.

honestly, yeah, they're a little expensive. but i'd rather spend 100 bucks on a pair of shoes than having issues with my back, hips, and feet. they've saved my life so many times i can't even count them all. i can go to work and be on my feet for twelve hours without flinching because of these shoes. i connect with the earth in ways i never thought possible. sure, i feel every rock. but they don't hurt me and there is NOTHING like wiggling your toes while wearing a pair of shoes. 

so, here's to Happy Feet! :)

and to the many more pairs of fivefingers i'm sure to buy.

now, Vibram, where's my sponsorship?

the things this girl says...

so lately i've been taking a lot of crap for saying things that are hilarious/borderline inappropriate...okay, usually they've definitely passed the line of inappropriate.
i thought i should document some of them for your enjoyment, as some of you are far away from me and don't often get to experience the bliss my voice can bring into the heart and souls of hominids.
(that's a synonym of human. a synonym is a words that means the same things as another word. you're welcome for the english lesson, yo.)

"why won't you just let me sexually harass you?"

background: this boy at work named Jordan is nearly as touchy as i am. we hug, we cuddle, we rub each other's backs and shoulders. sometimes butts, but that's mostly my doing. i asked him this because he was having an unusually anti-touchy day.

"jaycie. like JCPenny, but without the penny because i'm broke."

background: everyone who hears my name for the first time asks, "Jay-z? Like the rapper?" and then I insert my funny line, get some serious laughs, and revel in the fact that all around the world i make people laugh.

"i hope you burn in hell. like a fire."

background: okay, i admit it. i stole this. it was stolen from Johanna about three years ago. she was a resident in the old folks home i worked at. i was a kitchen server. i wore a hair net, and man was i sexy. anyways, one day i took Johanna's drink order. i messed up by filling the glass too full and she was mad. like, spitting fire mad. i asked her if she wanted me to get a new one and she turns, and in her Arnold Schwarzenegger accent, (i'm not kidding. she really talks like that,) goes, "i hope you burn in hell. like a fire." i have never wanted to laugh so much in my life.

"i wish you loved me..." which may or may not be followed by, "...life ruiner."

this one's pretty self-explanatory. i use this to guilt people into bending to my iron-like will. it rarely works. it's usually accompanied by the Princess Cry, which has made me famous in seven states. that evokes serious laughter.

"sorry, pal." and "thingy thing."

not really sure where these came from. they're the new phases. they're replacing "Well, obviously," "suckas..." "secretly," and, "you are my very best friend."
Everyone is now a pal, not a best friend, and thingy things are simply anything i can't remember the name of right off the top of my head. i know. my creativity knows no bounds.

like my word choices, everything evolved. one of the funniest things would be the evolution of dance. now, watch this video that demonstrates my point perfectly. it's kind of long, but completely worth it. you bet your bottom dollar I'll be doing this at my wedding. only mine will be a million times better.

side note, i've seen this guy live twice. he's HILARIOUS. if you need a motivational speaker, he's your man. 

my favorite smells...

there are  sixteen million smells i just can't get enough of. my nose is on high alert lately, scopin' out the delicious scents. they're everywhere!

cabbage patch kids. they smell kinda like baby powder, but definitely like heaven.

popcorn. enough said. there is a reason it's my favorite food.

summer rain. specifically the way it smells as it falls on the hot asphalt. nothing is better.

fresh-cut grass. better than that: alfalfa, both cut and in the late summer. it takes over the south end of the valley and i literally can't get enough. i wish there was some way to bottle up the smell year-round.

skunks. i LOVE skunk smell. call me crazy, but it's one of my fave smells. my pal Brandon the very Larsen got sprayed by a skunk today. i'm more than a little jealous. it's MY dream, not his...

waffle bowls at Cold Stone. it feels like home. i suppose if you spend enough time in one place, eventually that smell becomes your favorite.

new shoe smell. they all have that fresh-from-the-factory scent. i love it.

i also love baby lotion. sometimes i wear it just because it's yummy, not because i'm an infant.

gas. weird, i know. there's just something about it that i love. perhaps it smells like an adventure, knowing you could probably blow up at any second.

last, and possibly my favorite, cologne. there is nothing quite like a fresh-out-of-the-shower man wearing cologne. mmmm. i melt like butter every single time. maybe that's the hormones speaking though. there's no way to be sure! :)

in exactly ten days...

 michael westin.

fiona.

sam axe.

jesse.

madeline.

ahh, yeah! :) there is really nothing more to say, is there?

in addition to that, today was lovely. while at work, i spoke with a nun. she offerred to let me join their convent. she was eight...i'm 1/4 her age. not to mention, my hormones are RAGIN'! 

no way could i make it in a convent.

my best friend called. i finally had to wash out "our hug." more on that later. it's pretty adorable.

also, have you seen the movie The Switch with Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman?

not necessarily the most fast paced movie ever, but sooo cute. there's no cuter little boy in the world! 

moment from 06.04.11.

i followed you around the store for approximately eight minutes.
you'd obviously just gotten off work, still wearing your dress shirt and slacks. you stopped, compared flavors of juice, and finally settled for two of my faves.
i smiled and quit following you then, dreaming wistfully of all the things girls dream.
"if we bump carts, he'll ask for my number. this time next year we'll be married."
i swear, i saw our lives together flash before my eyes.

twelve minutes later, sitting in my car, biding my time before work, you walked out.
your car was parked in my same parking lot. why didn't you park in the grocery store parking lot?
i watched as you carefully guided your cart around the grassy barrier.
you unloaded your groceries, and i expected you to abandon your cart. you surprised me then, walking clear back around the grassy barrier to put it in the Cart Return.
instead of just walking through the grass like i would have done, you walked all the way back around the grass again. nothing else could have captured my attention in that moment. i saw only you.

i may have fallen in love just then. however short-lived and one-sided it may have been, i won't soon forget the way watching you brought an instant smile, as well as a comfort and hope i don't often feel.

maybe next time i'll bump into you on purpose...

moments.

last fall, during the one week i was enrolled at SUU, i attended a class that forever changed my life.
it was an english class. i can't tell you much of what happened during that class. in fact, i'm pretty sure i fell asleep; however, that's not the important thing.
the instructor, a chunky man, late twenties, instructed us to buy index cards and to write on a card every day one  or two moments that struck us as beautiful or painful or whatnot.
it could be anything. the way the sun shone through the trees.
just moments. raw, real, beautiful, painful moments.
i took this one to heart.
i write one pretty much every day.

i've wrestled with the idea for awhile. do i share them? my moments...they're deeply personal, some a little profane. yet, they belong to me. they were, and still are, MY thoughts.

a day with the best friend...

this is one of my best friends, Taylor.

 his favorite flavor of flower is Dandelion, same as mine.

 only i like to smell them. 

 see how i'm albino? yeah, i GLOW compared to him...

this picture is a PERFECT representation of our friendship. 

we're just the cutest ever. also, i'm overjoyed that i finally found a field of dandelions.

so, the story. 

On Tuesday, I decided to call Taylor, from the pictures above.

he answered from the Phoenix airport. i ALWAYS call him when he's at airports. it's kinda weird.

i asked him where he was headed and he said, "Utah!"

i screamed in joy for awhile and asked him when i'd get to see him.

he said he'd be in town for a few days. i only had Wednesday off, so i said i'd drive down.

then we had the brilliant idea for me to just pick him up, have a sleepover at my house, and i could take him back down wednesday afternoon.

well, his flight got in at eleven. we talked at 8:30. it takes an hour and a half to get to the airport.

so in theory, i had to leave at 9:30 to get him.

that meant i had a mad frenzy of cleaning my house for him to come over.

i didn't leave until 9:50, but i sure made it to the airport at EXACTLY eleven. because i'm brill. or because i broke some laws. either way....

well, of course there was some savage screaming on my part when i saw him. i parked...basically in the middle of the road. no one complained though, probably because it was one of those cute scenes in movies. 

you can't make those up.

then, in order:

we stopped at taco bell. because we're classy.

we visited DMS and GJ. they're a riot. as well as Pandora and Olivia.

we came home.

watched part of mad-a-who-ha.

had just four or so hours of sleep.

woke up and made french toast with my mom.

showered and got ready.

took some stuff to the d.i. 

got some ice cream.

went and snapped Best Friend pics at my family's cabin.

jammed out on the way to salt lake.

stopped by Zupas and had some world-class soup and sandwiches.

jammed out some more on the way to his next destination.

and then we parted. but unlike the weepy  ones, we just left it at, "See you later!" like we always do.

we're in love. distance and time mean nothing.

but please bless it isn't TOO long before i see him again. 

i je t'aime him a million beaucoup de chose! :)

the reasons i must marry Taylor Lott.

1. he's black. same as me.
2. our favorite flowers are dandelions.
3. we love the smell of skunk.
4. we hate showering and being clean in general.
5. we are going to live in Madagascar.

if you think that those five reasons aren't enough to build a love strong enough to transcend the ages, you're mistaken.

now, i know i've been bad at blogging. but all i do is work and workout and catch up on sleep. so i promise i WILL update soon enough. amen.

on falling in love, marriage, and other stuff.

i have a dear friend (technically i have several, though one in particular sparked this train of thought), who wants to fall in love and get married. she wants to start having babies. she wants to have a house and a yard and live happily ever after. then again, who doesn't? only thing is...she's 19.

i have no problem with this. when you're ready, you're ready. who am i to argue with true love? 

i feel like this girl, and soooo many others who are wanting to find The One, simply aren't ready.

i get texts sometimes that say things like, "i just want to move away and not come back until i'm happy," followed by, "i met a boy. he's perfect. i think he might be the one." only to hear a few days later that she's no longer dating him and that she just wants to meet a great guy. she's convinced that she can't be happy alone, that it truly takes someone else to make her whole.

there really is no problem with this. i love her and would do anything for her.

i honestly want her to find that great guy...except for the fact that i know she's not ready.

i love her. and eventually she's going to make a great guy very, very happy. 

but that's not right now...she just doesn't see that.

my only thought is this:

if you can't stand to be with yourself, how do you expect any man to want to stay with you? please take the time to sort out your life before you complicate it more by adding a man to the mix.

until you wake up and realize that you're letting the sand slip through the hourglass of your life, you're going to be miserable. being single shouldn't feel like a life sentence. it is NOT a punishment. i promise.

a year ago, i was that girl. the one with the wedding folder of dresses i liked, cakes that were gorgeous, reception venues, flowers, and bridesmaid dresses.

i had planned the house, the jobs, the kids, the schools, EVERYTHING about my life. the only missing piece was Mr. Right. unfortunately, life just doesn't work that way...

i spent the better part of a year looking for the guy i'd eventually marry. he didn't show up and with each passing day, i grew more and more impatient, asking myself why he wasn't coming, what was wrong with me, and assuming the very worst. i came to the conclusion that i would die alone and became cynical towards men and love. there was no way it even existed. i looked for the bad in every relationship around me, and i came to the conclusion that every single person in every marriage was completely miserable.

it took moving home and seeing my cute parents to realize my mistake.

yeah, they fight sometimes. they argue over things that seem stupid to me. they even give each other the silent treatment from time to time.

but then they make up and it's literally like watching a couple love-sick teenagers.

my dad get sneaky and grabs my mom's butt sometimes.

they kiss. they make jokes about sex. they laugh together. and they're still just in love.

they go on dates. they do cute things. they're perfect together.

and if i'm being completely honest in the very depths of my soul, i don't want that.

not yet, anyways.

hell, i'm 20 years old. i've probably got sixty or seventy years left in me.

there is NO REASON to rush into love or marriage. 

getting married complicates everything. being single, at least right now, is perfect for me.

i've got things i want to do, things that probably wouldn't see the light of day if i were to get married.

i want to travel. i want to buy my bike. i love that i can get up and run anywhere i please with no one to answer to. 

being single isn't a death sentence at all...it's a time to fall in love with yourself. to discover every little quirk, to laugh until you cry, to sing at the top of your lungs on the journey to wherever it is you're headed next.

my dear friend gave me a keychain that says, "Every step of the journey is the journey." it's the cute quote at the top of my blog. the one you see every time you stalk me. you know, the one you overlook getting to the good stuff. read it again. right now. REALLY let it sink in. and then live it. 

there are a million beautiful little things surrounding you every single day that you never bother to notice.

live those moments. breathe them in. everything will come in good time. 

reasons why i'm single. according to others.

1. you're intimidating.

2. you come on too strong.

3. you're crazy.

those are the top three reasons i hear from people.

the one i don't get though is the 'intimidating.' really??? i'm 5'3. how scary could i be?

as far as advice goes, i hear the same thing every time:
"maybe if you just toned it down a little..."

here's the thing. i WILL NOT tone it down at all. 

if a guy can't fall in love with Jaycie the Savage, i don't want him.

end of discussion.

i realize i'm 20 years old, which in Utah is prime marrying age for a female, but let's take a gander into the heart of me for just a sec.

i have no idea what i want to be when i grow up.

i move every few months when i get bored.

i often take road trips alone or to see friends, just because i feel like it.

i dance and sing at the top of my lungs no matter where i am.

i have dinosaur days. and days when i'm terribly cute.

my best friend is Wallice, a teddy bear.

i definitely walk to the beat of my own drum. 

when i'm ready, i'm ready. and until then, i'm blacklisting myself. 

yes, i'll still flirt. and i'll date. and i'll complain that i really just want to be married.

but in the depths of my soul, i can't say i really want that.

i want to keep playing for awhile.

i  LIKE that i can pick up and go wherever i want, whenever i want.

i'm sick of getting caught up in trying to be what everyone wants me to be.

so, here's my little declaration of singleness, and just plain jaycie-ness:

i do not care what you think of me. i never really have, i definitely never will. i don't care if you agree with my choices. i don't care if you think i'm doing it all wrong. 

i'm happy with where i am right now.

if i decide to make a change, i'll make it. not because someone tells me to, not because it's what everyone else is doing, but because i want to.

i, jaycie penny, am doing just fine. 

i'm loved. i'm adored. and i'm completely perfect just the way i am.

someone like you...

i heard that you're settled down,
that you found a girl and you're married now.
i heard that your dreams came true.
guess she gave you things i didn't give to you.

old friend, why are you so shy?
ain't like you to hold back or hide from the light.
i hate to turn up out of the blue, uninvited.
but i couldn't stay away, i couldn't fight it.
i'd hoped you'd see my face and that you'd be reminded that for me it isn't over.

you know how the time flies.
only yesterday was the time of our lives.
we were born and raised in a summer haze,
bound by the surprise of our glory daze.

nevermind, i'll find someone like you.

i wish nothing but the best for you too.

"Don't forget me," I begged.

"I'll remember," you said.

sometimes it lasts in love, but sometimes it hurts instead.

nothing compares, no worries or cares.

regrets and mistakes are memories made.

who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

Adele: Someone Like You.

this is the song i've been playing on repeat.