i just can't wrap my head around it...

i live in cache valley again!!!!

AHHHH! :) :) :) :) 

Master To-Do List:

Old Grist Mill soup.

Cold Stone.

Pita Pit.

Crazy Tammie.

Spin/Yoga/Dance/Plyo. yes, Yes, YES!

James. Rawr! I mean, Meow? Ouch Charlie, that really hurt! Boy, I will CUT you!

Movies with Brandon.

Dinner dates with Amos and Kat. Stalkers, unite!

DIY projects.

Lunch with the Brothers.

Babysitting Dawson, Kali, Izak, and Melia. 

Movies with Jordan.

Pizza nights with Mama Leishous.

Mowing the cabin.

Ice Cream from Macey's.

this is surely the life...

to Maggie,

you know, i don't even know where to start with this blog.

i know you've been struggling, and things haven't been going your way.
you don't feel the Savior's love. and you're feeling a little direction-less.

to put it bluntly, you go through this cycle way too often for your own good.
you go to church, you get happy. once you're happy, you look for love, and then you're destroyed.
i HATE to see you go through it, this pattern that never ends.

i think in order for you to be happy, you need to want it. and you need to be willing to work for it.
the most fulfilling things in life are never the easy things.

you need to turn to God. you need to pour your heart out. as much as you want me to, i can't do it for you.
yes, He's probably disappointed in your choices. but He still loves you. and it's killing Him that you're not talking to Him.

no one, not me, not God, not Brother Stauffer, NO ONE can make you have a relationship with God.
He's knocking....you just need to answer that door.
 (p.s. Stauff told me to tell you to go see him. and when you go, tell me. i wanna see you. asap.)

Just so you know, you're beautiful, inside and out.
You don't need a man to make you complete. You're perfect the way you are.
Maybe you should take a break from all men for awhile.
Rediscover who Maggie is and what Maggie needs and wants.
I know "Love" is at the top of that list, but just because it's at the top doesn't mean it needs to be in the 1. spot of your to-do list.

and just in case you didn't know it yet, i'm back in Logan.
so you better be calling me to play soon.

eleven hours between wellsville, cedar city, and then back.

theme song to the road trip today.
taco bell. starbucks. arby's.
popcorn.
buzz lightyear key.
jordanelle. i super love her.

now, the room project starts soon.
there will be pictures.
it will be brill. that's short for brilliant. in case you wondered.

this is the life...

yesterday, just after arriving, my brother and his girlfriend showed up.
we joked and laughed.
i went and bought purple paint. because, if i will be here a long time, i must love my space.

we talked. and talked. and talked.
then slept.

i've found a few cute new little DIY projects, courtesy of my mom.

when i woke up today, i threw on the first things i found. a tie-dye shirt and crazy tie-dye shorts.
my hair? a tumble weed mess. i walked upstairs, wiping the tired out of my eyes.
my mom turned and just busted up. "well isn't that quite the outfit!"
i loved it.

we just chilled all day. we didn't bother getting ready. because who would, on a snowy day?
surely not us.

we made spaghetti. and now i will make oatmeal cake. just to prove i still can.
i assure you, this time the flour WILL be present.

highlight though:
i haven't received any texts today. so i complained about it, as we were eating.
as i was taking my bowl for more spaghetti, i noticed i had a text.
blamed it on my sister, Jordan. finally opened it up:

i love you (:

i don't think it really gets better than that. sure, we bicker always. but that's code. if you read between the lines you can see that it's all done in love.

so here's the thing...

i realize a bunch of people will be disappointed no matter where i choose to settle.
the thing you've got to remember is that i need to do what's best for me.

not only do i need to be in a place where i can grow, but i need to be somewhere i can take care of myself.
let's be honest, you can't be a happy human if you're always stressing about keeping the bills paid.

i love cedar city. let's make no mistake about that.
but i only have a year to pay back $8,000 of student loan debt if i want to go on a mission.
that means paying $800 dollars a month for the next year.
let's keep in mind the rest of my bills equal $480 a month.
that doesn't include rent or food. rent and food would be right around $400 a month.

anyone know a job in cedar that will pay me $1,600+?
i sure don't. even living at home, i know i'll be working my butt into the ground to come up with the $1,300 just to pay my bills and my $800 student loan goal.

i'm not asking anyone to understand this. i'm just trying to do what's best for me.
you're either with me or against me, but quite frankly, i've got enough to worry about.
the last thing i need is to be worried about the toes i'm stepping on. it's not like i'm doing anything naughty anymore...

all i ask is that you try to support me and love me.
i'll be honest, this wasn't an easy decision to make.