I will probably be single forever.
I have a long list of requirements in a man. A long list of
reasons to run away, and a tiny hope that maybe someone eventually won't.
The requirements:
1. You must be okay with Henley, specifically, she must like you
and you must be willing to adopt her and make her your own.
Especially since her dad walked out of the picture. Sorry dating
me means dating my kid. And by sorry I mean, you're welcome because she is
awesome and my favorite human.
2. You have to be willing to be patient as I sort out my
life.
I'm going to school. I've got about 2.5/3 hard, busy years left to
get my degree so my baby goose and I can have a decent future if no one comes along.
After that, I'll follow you to the ends of the earth. But please, let me have
this one. Prove to me that I'm worth the wait and I'll prove to you the rest of
your life that waiting for me was worth it.
3. You have to be a hard worker, at least as hard of a worker as I
am. I'm doing my very best to make sure Henley and I can have an amazing life.
I refuse to support anyone else and need someone who can keep up.
I won't be a substitute teacher forever, after all.
4. Good kissers, only. Will train the right applicant.
Marriages require passion. So be prepared for my 15-Second Kiss
rule, which requires a long, hot kiss every single day, even if we're fighting
and don't feel like it. You'll have to take one for the team sometimes,
right?
5. 'Til death do we
part. Murder-style.
I refuse to get married a third time, assuming I even tie the knot
a second time, so if you ever decide to leave your ring behind, please
know that I will kill you. I kid. But seriously. I'm in it for the long haul
and need someone who won't ever say goodbye. It's not even optional.
6. You must be okay with my crazy.
I'm quirky. We all know this. Sometimes you'll come home to a
spotless house, happy babies, gorgeous wife.
Other times, you'll come home and find a million projects
scattered all over, naked little savages running around, and I'll be a hot
mess.
But I promise to always meet you with a smile and a kiss.
7. I want lots of babies. That's pretty self-explanatory, I think.
And I want, "Please stop kissing," to be said by at least one of them
every day.
They better all know that we're madly in love.
8. I want to build a tiny house to fill with all those babies.
Refer to my Pinterest board. (Username: jayciepenny. Board name: My tiny
house.)
I think materialism sucks, so we'll cram everyone and all their
stuff into a tiny space and spend the money on vacations and memories instead
of gadgets and therapy.
9. You must be willing to laugh, play, and have adventures with me
every day.
If I've learned anything it is that life is short and I won't
waste a single day doing things I don't want to do and that don't make me
happy.
I plan on a happy, amazing full life. I refuse to look back with
regrets. So, if you happen to know a man who may fit the bill, (or perhaps you
are that man), please send them my way. Or apply yourself. (With a request for
a date.)
Date one: I'll do the cooking and provide the entertainment.
Date two and everything thereafter: that's up to you.
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