the quickest of updates...or not.

i am sick. not contagious, but i have a hacking cough that would make you run.
my mom is using all manner of essential oils on me, in hopes of curing me. it's not going so well....
if that doesn't work, Monday will be "visit the doctor" day.

i bought some paint. my room has been purple but i need a change.
so i bought paint. it's grey. the name is Vessel Gray. have i ever mentioned how much i love vessels?
probably that goes back to days of ceramics and clay, but those days are not yet over. i promise.
inside my grey room will go happy colors. it'll be a little oasis from the rest of the world.
i even bought fabric to make my own quilt. happy, bright fabrics that will make you swoon.

i've been going back to the basics.
who are my bffs? my family. the mom, dad, jordan, kegan, mcCade, and nicklas.
i've been spending time building puzzles with my grandparents.
my grandma feeds me everything. my grandpa always said, "that is NOT where that goes..." and he's always right. (i am good at puzzles. we do hard ones though, and they require a certain amount of guessing...)
my nails have been neglected and i wear the same clothes a bunch of times a week.

it's old tunes instead of new ones, and comfort food instead of trying out new recipes.
i went to the library. there is a comfort in borrowing books, knowing that my eyes have not been the first, nor will they be the last to read those very same words.
there has been popcorn eating, scary movies at home with the family on friday night, and baked goods.
there's spring in the air, but like always, it will come when it's ready and not a second sooner.

and, like always when i need a place to heal, i've been back at ColdStone.
i'll never be able to express to the owner and management how much it means that they take me back, no questions asked, every time. i've said it a million times before, but this time is the last time. however, this time i have plans to be there for a very long time. it's my one true love, so far.

i cry pretty much every single day, and i really really miss my best friend.
i know that i am in the right place, that i will be okay without him, that this is the best thing for me.
but i still miss him. and i'm letting myself feel that. i think it's terribly important to feel mad when i'm mad, and sad when i'm sad. it's also important to smile too though, and i've been doing some of that as well.

the thing on my mind right now is that this isn't chaos. i'm exactly where i need to be, like this was planned in some way. there's peace that comes with that, a hopeful kind of peaceful sadness that just takes a little extra time.