Namaste [nah-muh-stey]
A really slacker way of saying "Nah, I'm gonna stay".
1: Yo, you gonna come with us to Tony's afterparty?
2: Namaste. |
no idea why that made me laugh so hard, but seriously funny!
now, for real, a post on my body stuff...
i, Jaycie Leishman, am a little bit of a lazy, super fatty.
i got into a really good groove last year of working out often, riding my bike a ton, and eating better.
i lost 30 pounds. then i moved home, life got crazy, and i gave up. and i gained back about 15 pounds of that 30. soooo discouraging. which made things worse, of course. then i found a sit-down always job, which led me to be way less active. i got lazy. i did NOTHING for my body.
now, i always have had a bad back. well, at least for the last year. i worked out in spite of it, and it really seemed to be getting better. then i stopped. and not only did all the progress i made disappear, my body got worse. my back has been in a constant state of pain for the better part of the last two or three months.
i lost all flexibility in my body, it seems like. i lost a lot of muscle and strength.
it has gotten to the point where i can barely sit up without something behind me without causing incredible pain in my back, both from the lack of core strength and because of how tight my spine is.
i'm not okay with this.
so, a few days ago, i went to the gym. i took a yoga class and signed up on the spot. $20/month is a small price to pay for my life back, i think.
the first class was good. it was a little tiny taste of what i've been missing. it reminded me why i really love to workout.
the second day...not so good. i was so discouraged when i left. there was a girl in class who was bending like a pretzel. i barely bend at all, which made me so sad. i had a bad day because of it. i let someone else's progress get in the way of my own.
today, day three, went much better. i had a very productive day and went to the gym in a great mood. instead of focusing on the other people there, i focused on myself. i listened to my body, and i pushed myself a little harder. and i was rewarded with a little bit of progress. my hips, legs, and spine are starting to loosen up. i can sit up without aid with no help and way less pain. i'm getting there.
at the end of every yoga class, everyone says, "Namaste."
The real meaning and definition varies person to person. Some people believe it means one thing, others think it means something else entirely. Basically it means, "The light in me recognizes and celebrates the light in you."
Tonight at yoga, the sweet little instructor, Lauren, said, "The light, love, and purity within me recognizes the light, love, and purity in you."
I don't know why that struck me like it did, but talk about a tear-jerker! I cried a little. Okay...a lot.
Namaste, the core of all yoga is so simple, but the complexity and deepness of it is very awe-inspiring.
for me, tonight, it was a reminder that within myself there is light. I shine so very bright, and the ONLY person who can put that light out is me. on that same note, I can add a little gas, shine a little brighter, and be a force for good.
within me there is love. so much love, not only for myself, but for those around me. it was a reminder that i am love. on my very best day, i'm happy not because of the things that happen to me, but because of the love i've been able to give. when i'm sharing parts of myself, no matter how small, i am always a happier person.
within me there is purity. sometimes i let the little things build and build until it seems like there is no purity. but really, i'm a sensitive little soul. things really get to me. i'm not a malicious person. i'm not a negative person. i'm a very happy, hopeful, sweet, caring human. and though i may not seem particularly good to some, i am a good girl. i have a very pure heart and generally speaking, my intentions mirror that.
those are things i've been forgetting lately. i've been very hard on myself. i constantly scrutinize my body, my face, my hair, my wardrobe, everything in my life. i look at it, judge it, and decide that it isn't good enough.
it's negatively impacting my marriage, my self-worth...my entire life, really.
that isn't okay with me.
so, i will be patient with myself. i will have a no-excuses outlook and will go to the gym every day and try to make good food choices. i will be gentle with my heart and soul when i come up short, and won't give up over a few bad days like i have in the past.
so for now, there are a few things i will try to remember every day:
my life will not change if my daily habits stay the same.
if i'm still in my comfort zone, i'm still warming up.
i will be fearless, start to finish.
amazing people don't just happen. there is work involved.
there is very little i can gain without any pain.
a mile is a mile, no matter how long it takes. and i'm absolutely lapping everyone sitting on the couch.
a 1-hour workout is only 7% of my waking hours. i can bust my butt for 7% of my day!
every little step i make gets me closer to my goal.
feeling better will be be my initial reward. eventually the pounds will fall off, my body will look better, and i'll reach my goals, but for now, simply feeling better will be enough.
mostly, it comes down to this one thing: i work soooo hard at everything else i do in my life. why wouldn't i work that hard or harder for myself. i'm beautiful, amazing, and i can do hard things, because i'm absolutely worth it.
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