i came back to Denver.

the reasons why don't really matter much. i'm okay with saying that is really isn't anyone's business at this point, but i will explain a little.
i prayed about it. i read my scriptures. and unlike the decision i made to leave, which i now think was a little premature, i weighed it out for a few days and considered the pros and cons.
ultimately i feel really great about it. i love Andrew. i always have, and in so many ways he's always been the one. that's not to say that i think i can only be happy with him, that i never would have found love again, etc.

what it really comes down to, is that i didn't want to find someone else. i didn't want to replace the love of my life. i already found him. and i made that decision once. i married this sweet, sweet man, which is a big deal.

if people disagree with that, i'm not concerned. after all, i'm the only person who has to sleep with my choices. i'm sure it'll be hard for us sometimes. i'm not naive in thinking this will be easy. i just know with him by my side, it'll be worth it. it will all work out for us, i have so much faith in that.

for those of you, my amazing readers and friends who have never met Andrew, let me paint a picture of this man i love.

even after i left him, he asked me repeatedly to come back. not out of desperation, not because he needs me to survive, but because he loves me. that may sound like a small thing to some people, but had he been the one who left, i never would have wanted to talk to him again. i never would have let him come back. i wouldn't have wanted him to. we're different in that way.

while i was gone, he not only asked me to come back, he took care of me emotionally. he listened to me cry. he listened to me as i changed my mind several times about staying in utah or coming back to denver. he supported me through all of that, putting my needs above his own. he paid all my bills so i wouldn't have to figure it out myself.

he's an amazing guy, he really is. and in 97 out of 100 ways, he is perfect for me. i like those odds. if i were a gambling woman, which i am not, i would put my chips on us. and here's why: because we love each other. we're determined that love will be enough, and we're both just stubborn enough to make that happen.

i gave up for a little while because i was scared. the future terrifies me, always. i want to know everything that's going to happen. i love to watch movies i've seen a million times. i love to re-read books over and over. in movies i've never seen, i panic for the characters. i stress and stress and stress. Andrew, on the other hand, hates to watch movies over and over. he thrives on the unknown, and though he might not always know how things will work out, he just somehow knows that they will. so, i'm going to let him hold my hand. i'm going to let him reassure me when things get hard, i'm going to tell him my fears and my dreams. i'm going to be his partner in crime and let him be mine.

and from here on out, you won't get all the details, details that should have been between Andrew and I. i'm going to be busy living my life with him in a way that will leave little time for speculating and talking it over with everyone else. i love him, and this commitment i made won't be taken as lightly as i've taken it in the past going forward in the future.

that is all for now! :) with that behind us, let's move on to happier, better things, shall we?