raise your glass...

i say it like it is. every single time.

i'm cynical. and i have a right to be, dang it.

i'm also very hopeful. and i have a right to be.

sometimes i'm broken. sometimes i'm whole.

you better believe a TON of super glue is involved in this process.

i push people away. you know why?

so i can protect myself...if people aren't willing to deal with my porcupine needles, they sure don't deserve all my soft and endearing fluff.

i don't trust anyone. and yet i find myself accepting every hand held out to me.

i run away when things get hard. and yet, the hard things follow me every single time. it's not that i always want to run away. it's just easier than trying to dig myself out of the messes i create. but here i am, up to up to my eyeballs in a mess of my creation. there will be no more running.

i'm rude to a lot of people, a lot of the time. it's sometimes easier than making new friends only to watch them walk away after my heart is caught in the middle and they decide they can't handle it anymore.

i try to be genuine and sincere in everything i do. whether that means people think i'm being "way too honest" or "kind of a b*****", i could care less. i do and say what i feel and i think it's a trait that more people need to possess. i try to be polite, i do. but if you ask me a question, you better be able to handle the truth.

is it okay to doubt everything my life's been built on thus far? i think so. but for the first time in my life, i'm not afraid to search for the answers. and where i go from here will be completely because it's what i want and need. NOT what others think i want and need. i've been through a lot and i deserve some credit. i am a big girl. i can decide what's best for me. if i happen to mess it all up, feel free to tell me you told me so.

i've been scared to voice my doubts and fears because i was afraid people would judge me for doubting rather than answering my questions. i don't ask questions to offend. i ask questions because i want to know the truth. now i will ask the hard questions, even when-no, ESPECIALLY when-no one else will.

the thing i've learned about love this past year: it doesn't have to last forever to be perfect...it comes when it's needed and leaves when it's time to let go. i'm no longer afraid to put my heart on the line. if it breaks, i'll put it back together again. i seem to be good at that.

so, here's to changing.

here's to being my best self.

here's to crying when i'm sad.

and laughing until my guts hurt and i risk peeing my pants when i'm happy.

here's to eating more ice cream.

and taking more long walks.

here's to looking in the mirror and liking who i see.

from now on, this girl, this little crazy Jaycie girl, is the love of my life...and anyone else who comes along will just have to be a bonus.

here's to me! :)