Sunday, May 2, 2010

secretly....i'll admit it.

i am a lonely human.

ever since i was eleven or twelve,
i've read my fair share of romance novels.

i'm a sucker for a happy ending.
i love everything about romance:
kissing, hugging, cuddling, laughing, learning.

i can't wait to be married and do married things.
like:
cooking. cleaning. waiting at the door with a kiss.
having babies. painting bedrooms.
kissing away hurts. applyign band-aids.
be boring. grocery shopping.
going to bed early.

but, to my dismay, i have no prospects.
guys don't acknowledge me.
i'm just the loud, crazy girl. with the funny hair.
i'm the best friend.
one of the guys....

i don't like being those things.

i want to be a princess.
a lover. sometimes a hater.
i want to be kissed, carried, and snuggled.

but guys don't see me in those ways.
i'm one in a million.
i hope that's not something negative.

i won't change to meet a guy.
i'm jaycie. plain and simple.
i bite. i pretend to be stealthy.

i just dance the way i feel.
i just hope that's enough...

2 comments:

  1. jaycie,
    i think we all feel this way sometimes, i do now.
    it's so utterly confusing.
    But know you're something special, and in the right time, He will be there, and you will know it because you feel safe, and you are willing to fight and give up yourself for it.

    i sure haven't found love,
    but i know that it will be hard, and scary, and oh so worth it!
    i think your sheer will to make things work is amazing, invaluable. "Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting;
    but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised."

    easy to say, harder to believe. but true still the same :)

    hang in there, and treasure the single times, because...one day we will miss them :) just a little!

    ReplyDelete
  2. thank you, katie the perfect! :)

    ReplyDelete