i like the rain...

i often come across as someone who can handle a lot.

in truth, i can.

i'm a strong, little hobbit of a girl.

but like everyone else, i have hard moments too.

i love the rain, especially on days like today.

it reminds me to slow down, to breathe in every moment-good or bad.

i really love the rain if i have an umbrella to keep me dry.

i often feel like this guy:

at the risk of sounding self-absorbed

i'm going to say that my life's been hard. the rain sure loves to pour down on me.

i've been through things

i would never wish on my worst enemy.

my past is filled with monsters, the touch of bad men.

the pain of addictions. of being alone....

but they are things that have shaped me.

perhaps that's why i'm so drawn to happy things.

bright things.

cheerful things.

i never leave the house without bubbles and silly putty.

just in case i need to play a little.

it's been almost three years,

but i can still see the hurt when i look into

my eyes.

i don't think it will ever fully depart.
strangely though, i'm okay with the reality of it.
it's brought me here. to this place. in this moment.

though the path alone is dark and chilling,
i know it's better than where i used to be.
why? you may ask.
well, i'll tell you. it's because he's not here.

my darkest hour is considerably brighter
because he's not here anymore.

I’m currently at a weird place in my life.

I feel like so much is falling apart while a lot is also falling into place.

I feel like I’m in the eye of the storm.

Everything around me is calm,

but I can see the destruction heading my way

—past, present, and future—

most of which I’ve brought on myself.

My life is something. It’s beautiful and ugly.

I’ve touched people’s lives and I’ve offended a few more.

I make messes out of everything, but on occasion I’m pretty good at cleaning them up.

I laugh and I cry.

I use too many clichés, exaggerate a little

(p.s. that’s a litotes)

and I get stuff wrong.

i like the rain.

maybe that means i don't mind being broken.

but if i'm broken, then there's always something

to fix.

so, i hope it rains.

rain makes things beautiful.

and i want to be beautiful.

jayc