just some thoughts.

life is….fleeting.

yes, fleeting is a good word for it.

hard as I try, I can’t grasp it.

and it flows along, paying little attention to one like me.

I’ve been having an internal struggle lately.

a life crisis, if you will.

I can’t decide what I want from life.

so I settle for the easy things, the meaningless things.

but they aren’t easy, and are rarely meaningless.

I feel selfish and vain.

I live a life full of small luxuries

in a world where others constantly suffer

at the hands of people

more power hungry and callous than I can even imagine.

I’m struggling with the world, and I don’t understand, can’t make sense of this mess….

how can a place this beautiful be filled to the brim

with things like murder, lies, rape? Suicide? Theft? Genocide? Callousness? Anger? Hurt?

Families are broken beyond repair.

Lovers leave.

Best friends betray.

People lie.

Maybe I’m just too sensitive.

It’s hard for me to go places and not find myself touched by everyone around me.

a mother consoling her child.

a husband winking at his wife over the chaos of their small children.

a little old couple, holding hands, oblivious to the world.

I’m sensitive.

More sensitive than I’d like to admit.

I feel everything.

Very little escapes my awareness, and I remember most everything.

I hide behind smiles and laughs, hoping that people will see beyond the Crazy and try to get a glimpse of the Jaycie.

She’s great.

And she’s been through a lot.

But that rarely stops people from judging, saying harsh words, avoiding because it’s easier that way.

sometimes I wish I didn’t feel.

It would certainly be easier that way.

but then I’d be no better than everything I don’t like in the world.

maybe the world needs more me.

more love, more smiles, more laughs, more Crazy.

a little more hope in a world where apathy is embraced.

a little more gentleness.

a little more courage.

a little less hate.

a little more love.

a little more fun.

it’s fleeting. flying. sliding by….

it’s a broken, wretched, beautiful life.