Day One...

yes. i rocked today...
i completely hate my face in that picture, so...everything but the face will have to work.
i think there needs to be a picture every day. to keep me extra honest.

my bike ride today was rough. it was freezing outside. and soooo windy. i need a scarf, for sure!

right now i'm watching friends with benefits. one of my favorite movies ever.
thinking about how i need to be in bed, and absolutely not making any effort to actually go to bed.

also, can't get my mind off Maximus, as always.

 i scored some sweet puppy swag for him last week. so spoiled already....

this was him, ready for bed last night. my grandma is a rock star and sends me pics.
i can have him in two or three weeks. i am the most thrilled human ever!!!

sooo....i'm in a bad mood all of a sudden. that probably means it's bedtime. so, until tomorrow, aka day two. i'm already 3% of the way done with my 30 days.

30 days of healthy.

i lost 30 pounds this year.
THIRTY! that's pretty incredible.
then i gained back six.
which i'm loathing.

the past month has been so hard for so many reasons.
my great-grandma passed away.
i moved.
my best friend is no longer in my life.
i traveled home a couple times.
wrecks. parking tickets. panic attacks.

i've been feeling like i don't know what my next step in life should be.
in a lot of ways, i kind of gave up.
on a lot of things.
i have been a complete and utter wreck.

but there were some amazing things that also happened.
i met the little love of my life.
This is Maximus:

he's turning into quite the little fatty.

and i'm obsessed with him.

he'll be with me in just two weeks. i can't wait! :)

i went on a bike ride last thursday.
i wasn't going to go, but i woke up early and figured i might as well.
it was SOOOO hard.
hardest bike ride ever, possibly.
until i realized i deserve it. i deserve to be happy and healthy.
i owe it to myself to be the best i can possibly be.
and that includes being healthy.

i got told at the beginning of this year that i can't be a runner.
i have a bad back. and running is excruciating.
but, i still think i may want to be a runner.
i'm thinking i want to get in a half marathon.

training for a half will suck, probably. until my back can get used to the high impact, i'll probably hate it.
but i want to try.
i want to take some dance classes.
and some spin classes. and more yoga, obviously.

i want to see how eating completely healthy for awhile affects me.
probably it will do wonders. but i just want to test it out.
i've NEVER been a super healthy person.

but i want to. i NEED to. and i can. how hard could it be?
so, tomorrow will begin the 30 days of healthy.
i'm sure that will turn into way way way more days of healthy, but i have to start somewhere.
no fast food. no processed food. just yummy, healthy food.
and no capri sun. that might be my hard part. however, juice and smoothies will suffice, i hope.

normal bedtime and plenty of sleep. a schedule. a boring, set schedule. so i know exactly what i should be doing and when i should be doing it. less being lazy on the couch with Zeuss.

bike rides. yoga. dancing. and i want to learn how to swim. (probably won't happen this month...)
but i can exercise monday through friday for a month.
i like to work out. and i need to use as much outside time as possible before it's time to put away my bike for the winter.

and you better believe this whole thing is getting documented. my blog will keep me honest.
i'm ready for this. i'm ready to change my own life. to work for something, to remind myself that i'm worth so much more than i've been settling for lately. especially this past year.

and there's this guy i like. who knows where things will go? but i'm testing it out. he's sweet and good. and he deserves someone who is sweet and good too. he's a little gun shy when it comes to me. i can't blame him. i would be too. and that isn't okay with me. i want to be someone who is completely happy and content within my own skin, someone who respects myself enough to say no to bad things, and to have enough patience to wait for the good things.
i've been a monster for awhile.
it's time to grow up a little. to stop complaining, and just to embrace things as they come, good and bad. because those things make me who i am.

it's time to shine. and you can be absolutely sure i'm going to blind the haters...

The meaning of life...

Tonight at work, I helped a mother and daughter get one of their cable boxes working. Super easy normally, but this box was just not working.

Finally, I decided to try one last thing and it worked. After all the problems w: had with it, we were all really excited when it worked.

After asking if I could help them with anything else, the mother said, "Yes, actually. Can you tell us the secret of life?"

Obviously, this caught me off guard, as anyone who knows me knows that I'm probably the one person on earth who will never figure it out...

After thinking about it for a second, I went with what came to mind. I told her, "I think the secret is to learn how to smile through all of the chaos that life throws at you."

That feels right to me right now...I've had such a crazy year.
I moved to Denver.
I discovered the cause of my back pain.
I had my heart broken.
I lost my great-grandma, Dorella.
I'm buying a puppy who captured my heart the moment we met.

And I've decided to stay in Denver. I'm going to stick it out, even though it would be easier to leave. I'm going to keep digging deep within myself to learn what it means to keep going. I'm not giving up.

I'm going to keep breathing.
And I'm going to embrace everything that life throws my way.

I'm going to fight for what I want.
And if i go down, it will be kicking and screaming.

i fell on my head...

literally.
i leaned back too far on my grandma's porch swing and fell right on my head.
it super hurt my neck, and the bump i'm rocking...there aren't words.
but my perma-headache isn't as bad as it was yesterday.

and i'm still smiling.

yesterday was hard. saying good-bye to my Grandma Harris was hard.
she was an amazing, amazing lady. no one in the entire world was as good as her.

now i'm off to see my baby, Maximus. he's absolutely my soulmate.
and i've been waiting ALL DAY for my mom so we can go! :)

:) :) :) :) :) :) :)

that's how happy my little guy makes me.

obviously i'll post a million pictures.

this time i mean it...

i'm back. for real. and i solemnly swear i really mean it.

i had a date tonight with a wonderful guy.
he's sweet, sensitive, and we have so much in common, it's a little crazy.

today was such a good day.
went and had a massage, which really helped my back relax a little.
splurged on a new dress, since i was a. out of clean clothes, and b. nothing else fits.

didn't think about handy manny much at all today.
definitely was preoccupied by this new guy.

we had an amazing talk after our date tonight.
we both opened up about a lot of things.
for now, we'll be friends and see where things go.

he brought me flowers. he missed the memo about dandelions. but they're completely gorgeous.
maybe they are my new favorite flower?

it was a perfect night.
and i'm really excited about where things are heading in my life.
in other news, my Arrested Development obsession is getting a little out of hand.
can't wait for Burn Notice this Thursday.

i'll be home in ten days.
that means golden jade.
and visiting puppies and family.
catching up with friends.