the next chapter...

You can't start the next chapter in your life until you stop re-reading the last one...

I've definitely spent the past few years re-reading the last chapters of my life, wondering if I could move on, if I'd ever be able to stand up on my own, and if I'd be able to start chasing my dreams. If I'm completely honest with myself, I've also been terrified to peek at the next few pages. I've been dependent on other people to help me make decisions, afraid I'd make all the wrong ones on my own.

No one could possibly blame me for any of that. My last chapters were very hard. Depression, being raped, cutting. I was disowned, judged, and ignored by people who should have loved me through my trials.I felt like I was alone, that I couldn't possibly rise from the ashes.

I could go on and on about my story and how hard it's been. I could also share the stories of everyone else. We all have a story to tell, and every single one of those stories contains a broken, lonely heart.

But life shouldn't ever be completely about the hard things. I truly believe that everyone's story is beautiful, that it can be filled with happiness and more love than anyone could possibly know what to do with.

You absolutely have to mourn the losses. Whether those losses are through death, break-ups, divorce, disagreements, or just growing apart, you have to be able to feel that emotion. You can be mad, you can scream. You can cry. But eventually you get to a point where the hurt fades a little, and you can smile at the beautiful moments that happened along the way.

The person who hurt me the very most knew how to make me smile and laugh better than almost anyone. I've spent the past two years focused on all the pain he caused, and it's made me forget a lot of the things that were good.

Last May, I decided to move on from those chapters, and I feel like I'm finally in a place where I can admit that I've done that, but also that I still have things to work on. It's not a race, and maybe there are things I'll never get over all the way.

But I'm getting a little bit stronger.
I can think about him without feeling hurt or anger.
I've been making my own decisions, discovering ways to stand on my own.
I don't feel a need to hide my scars, because they're a part of who I am.
I've learned to embrace my flaws, to accept them and begin to turn them into strengths.
I've fallen in love with the person who matters most: me!
I laugh way more often than I cry.
And I'm gentle with myself, knowing that some days are going to be a little harder than others.

It's important to keep looking forward, not only for yourself, but for all the lives that still need to be touched by you. You matter so much. I don't think any of us fully comprehend how much of an impact we have on the world around us.

There's always going to be a little place in your heart for all of the other chapters, and that's fine. It's just important to leave room in the biggest place in your heart for the next chapters.
You can't let the past hurts make you cynical.
You can't judge the people in the new chapters because of the hurts caused by the old ones.
You have to have hope. And you definitely need dreams.

If you keep that stuff in mind, there's no way the next chapters will let you down. Eventually you start to realize that even the ugly, hard chapters are important.

Each chapter is an important piece of an incredibly story.