life's crazy...

and that's all there is to it.

i got my job back at coldstone.
not lots of working.
just covering for people who need my desperately.

i'm starting at buckle next saturday.
that means 40% off my favorite clothes.
i won't be sad about it.

and i have a love/hate with my job at conservice.
it's amazing.
i HATE going to work at 8:30.
it's too early for this sleepy kitty.

in other news...handy manny is back in my life.
we'll see how that goes.
we're taking it slow and seeing how things go.
so yeah, life is crazy.

the best girlfriend ever.

Ashlee Rose Adkins came into my life at the weirdest point in my life. literally.
i was a mess. a complete train wreck.
it was the last Monday i spend as a student of SUU, and we met at a ward family home evening.
it was the one and only time we ever spent any real time together. we sat in the shade and talked. she asked me questions, and i answered. i was SOOOO moody, so it's a miracle she even bothered to keep talking to me after that...

we're kindred spirits and we've kept in touch ever since.
we skype sometimes. we call sometimes. we text a lot.
she wrote a paper about me, in which she interviewed me because i'm her favorite human.

she knows the happenings of my life and makes me question my choices, but doesn't judge me for them..
she asks for my advice. i ask for hers. she better know i love and adore her.

she loves Wallice, but i couldn't give him to her. he belongs to me.
so i gave her Dennis. he's the cutest, sweetest little dog with skinny legs.
and a colorful belly, which reminded me of her colorful, gorgeous soul.

she's literally the sweetest, kindest human on earth. she loves everyone and is truly hurt if someone doesn't like her.
i've never heard her complain. ever. even when she was worried about getting shot in Philadelphia.
and she works hard for everything. nothing comes super easy to my sweet girl, and that sometimes breaks my heart, because she deserves the world.

and, though he's my arch-nemesis, i'd totally marry her brother Clinton Dean Adkins, just so we could be sisters, since we can't marry each other since we're both girls. which is a shame, because she's better to me than most men i know...

Ashlee Rose Adkins, i love you.

this week....

it's been nuts.
seriously.
i started a new job on Monday.
it's the M-F, 9-5 kind. it will pay the bills. so far i'm not in love, though i do enjoy the people i work with.
it's just boring, monotonous work. i imagine i'll spend a lot of time jamming out. music is allowed. which is good for me!

i had an interesting call today from an old friend.
we talked through things that have been bugging us both for a long time.
i don't know if we'll ever be friends again. that ball isn't in my court, though i'm not opposed to it.
it was good. and i'm grateful for the call.
still sad things didn't play out very well, but it's in the past.
there aren't ill feelings on either side anymore, which definitely brings peace to my soul.

i'm missing my denver people something fierce today.
i made the right choice, just kinda sucks that i had to leave people behind.

i'm absolutely joining a gym this week. it's time to take over and get what i want out of life.
the priorities have been set.
it's me time. i can't expect to find the man of my dreams if i'm not the girl of his, right?

in other news, this is the song i can't get out of my head today.
only, it's kind of reverse for me. all my life i've been bad, so now i'm being good.

new fingernail colors fix everything. now we're doing brown for fall. it's been super chilly the past few days, and i'm definitely needing some time to cuddle up with my Wallice, read some good books, and breathe for a bit.

i'm okay. i'm doing good, and things are working out the way they should, though i currently have no idea how or why that is...now, on to the post about my true love, Ashlee Rose Adkins.

best friends...

first of all, someone commented on my last blog, saying they still think about me all the time. it was anonymous and i'd like to know who sent it.
please e-mail me, bestie.
jayciespacie (at) gmail (dot) com
that's my permanent address! ;)

now, onto the topic of besties.
i met James when i was 16. i had just started at ColdStone and dropped in to check my schedule. he was behind the counter, serving away.
i was wearing a little polka dot dress. my hair was long and curly. i was wearing heels.
stunner. that's the only word for how smokin' i was that day.
i made my way for the back and he said, "you can't go back there."
i flipped around, sassed back, "i WORK here..." and let myself into the back.

we became pals over the next couple months, mostly because i forced him to be my friend.
i had a huge crush on him. he thought i was insane. plus, he had a girlfriend. they ended things within just a little bit of us meeting. but he didn't have feelings for me. and honestly, i didn't for him either.

then i was raped.
and everything in my life changed.

James stepped into my life in a big way at that point. he pulled me through.
we talked EVERY NIGHT on the way home from work. he'd drive home, and keep talking to me until i made it home safely, too. he listened to me. he talked me through things. he gave advice. he didn't judge.
a few weeks after i was raped, i got a flat tire at work. it was raining, and i'd had a physical exam that morning as part of the investigation. i was a wreck. it was so violating. and emotionally, i couldn't deal with much. the flat tire was the straw that broke the camel's back.

a couple guys from work changed my tire, while James held me and let me cry under an umbrella in the rain.

now, five years later, here we are. i'm just back from Denver. he's getting ready to embark on his own adventure.

i love him more than every other human on the planet. hands down. he's my very best friend. sometimes we lose touch for a bit, but we pick up right where we leave things. we don't hold grudges. we don't stay mad. there is no place in the world that feels more like home to me than a James hug.
there is no one else in the world who loves me more than he does. even when i mess everything up, and call him to fix my life, he just loves me. he doesn't always agree, and i know that. but he loves me anyways. he sticks by me always. that's the kind of best friend everyone should have.

but, you can't have my bestie. he belongs to ME! and i'll cut anyone who tries...capeshe?

Jamesy, I je t'aime you beaucoup de chose! :)

being single...

i'm single.
there isn't any current local love interest in my life.
and that has a tendency to get pretty awkward.

most of my high school graduating class is now married.
some of them have babies already.

EVERY SINGLE FEMALE on either side of my family was married at 19 or younger. we're not just talking about one or two cousins. we're talking about a whole multitude of cousins/aunts/grandmas who got married super young. most of them are still married. they have the loves of their lives to keep them busy.

and i have...Wallice.

there are a few things you get used to hearing, as a single person such as i.

"you have your whole life to find someone to settle down with."
um...okay. thanks for that, but i want to find him now. sue me for wanting to find someone to spend my life being happy with asap. i get that i have a long time to settle down, but most people spend all their free time looking for their One. I'm just thinking of all the extra activities i could do if i already had found him.

"if they can't see how amazing you are, they don't deserve you anyways."
well, first of all, that's completely true. but that means there are a whole lot of guys not seeing how great i am, which leads me to believe perhaps there is something a little wrong with me...i'm the common denominator in this equation...

"why are you still single?"
um...i guess because no one liked it enough to put a ring on it?

so, let's put it to a poll. why do YOU, my sweet readers, think i'm still single?